Archives for category: Parenting

One of the dear people in my life has Parkinson’s disease. She is an amazing woman. I met her as an undergraduate psychology major at the University of Washington. She was a grad student looking for research assistants. Her research sounded fascinating and I ended up working in her lab for 2-3 years. She was a wonderful mentor and took a faculty position in the Midwest upon graduation. I haven’t seen her in person since then but we stay in touch through Facebook and email. (She is legally deaf so the phone is not a good option.)

Her disease had an early onset. She noticed tremor in her hands while she was in the hospital just after delivering her daughter, who is now 12 years old. She was doing really well for the first few years. She went skydiving and traveled with her family. Eventually, though, she had to retire early from the faculty job she loved. She still drives and is ambulatory but I suspect this is true on an intermittent rather than daily basis. She has undergone two heart surgeries. She “flat lined” after the most recent one while in the hospital and it took the medical team some time to revive her. She remembers this time keenly and her unwavering focus on staying alive for her children. Her physicians have suggested brain surgery. She has not warmed to that option. She takes medications that cause all kinds of side effects. She knows that her health will continue to deteriorate as will her ability to take care of herself and stay connected with others. In other words, Parkinson’s is not a light-weight disease. It is chronic, it is progressive, and it ends lives.

Yesterday, I was following one of her Facebook discussions. (She is the most active Facebooker I know in terms of getting conversations and debates going.) At one point she was discussing Parkinson’s with a friend who also has it. They were talking about the hardships and then she ended one of her comments with, “At least it’s not cancer.” Although it surprised me a bit, I was not hurt in the least that she wrote this. But it is a great example of a sentiment I still hear a great deal from people, which is that cancer is the worst disease ever. It’s not a coincidence that a Pulitzer Prize winning history of cancer is cancer is called, The Emperor of all Maladies.

So the good news is that not everyone has been “pink washed” into thinking that there are kinds of cancer that are “the good cancer” or that cancer is cute or easy. The bad news is that the fear that people have of our “Emperor of all Maladies” will keep many of us, especially those with metastatic breast cancer, that much more isolated. Scorchy Barrington wrote about this isolation beautifully earlier in the week. Another blog buddy, Diane of Dglassme, wrote a beautiful comment on Scorchy’s post. I would copy it here but she might want to write a post about it in her own blog because it is that good.

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blog-award

A very heartfelt thank you to Diane of Dglassme’s Blog  for nominating me for a Very Inspiring Blog Award. It must have been that belly button scar photo I posted the other day that put me over the top! Seriously, I have followed Diane’s blog for quite some months now. She is brave, no nonsense woman with an interesting and honest perspective on her breast cancer treatment. Diane also writes joyously about what her relationships with her gorgeous Golden Retrievers add to her life.

I am writing about someone who inspires me and that is my friend, Shirley Enebrad and her son, Cory. I met Shirley through her husband Steve Geller, a fellow psychologist and friend, with whom I share an office. He is the one who is moving to Hawaii in about a month and has inspired a frenzy of furniture shopping to replace the stuff he is taking.

I’ve never met her son, Cory. He died about 20 years ago at age 9 of pediatric leukemia. Steve knew him (Cory was a child from Shirley’s first marriage) because he was working as a grief counselor conducting kids’ groups. Cory was in his group. This is also how Shirley and Steve met each other. Cory was an extraordinary boy with an extraordinary mom. Shirley wrote a quite moving book about her life with her son called, Over the Rainbow Bridge. It is an amazing and inspiring story. Cory’s life transformed the lives of those around him. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is true.

Here’s a quote from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D., the pioneering psychiatrist who wrote, On Death and Dying:

Cory was my favorite patient ever, and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about the afterlife were profound, and his drawings of what he saw “over the Rainbow Bridge” helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.

I can only imagine the shattering trauma of losing a child. I know that Shirley’s heart still aches for her son, who if he had lived, would be near 30 now and perhaps have children of his own. Shirley became a tireless worker on behalf of children with cancer. Prior to her moving to Hawaii, she was the person who put together every one of the educational baskets that families of newly diagnosed cancer patients receive at Children’s Hospital in Seattle. That hospital serves a six state area. Shirley has organized fundraisers, written grief materials for children, and provided grief counseling to others. That’s just the tip of the ice berg of her service to families and children. On top of it all, Shirley and Steve have served as foster parents to a number of children over the years in addition to raising two children of their own, who are now both adults. In addition to being incredibly generous and skilled with very challenging children (with trauma histories of their own) for Shirley to take on foster children, who typically end up leaving your family, is incredibly courageous for one who has lost a child in the past.

Shirley has just published a new book, Six Word Lessons on Coping with Grief: 100 Lessons to Help You and Your Loved Ones Deal with Loss. It is downloaded onto my Kindle and I’m looking forward to reading it. She did not ask me to publicize her books on my blog. I love celebrating my friends’ accomplishments and sharing resources with people who might appreciate them.

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Lindbergh High School Reunion '82, '83, '84, '85

Join us this summer for our reunion in Renton, WA!

George Lakoff

George Lakoff has retired as Distinguished Professor of Cognitive Science and Linguistics at the University of California at Berkeley. His newest book "The Neural Mind" is now available.

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