They’re back!

The hot flashes, that is. Well, they didn’t really go away entirely but they had settled down to a dull roar of 2-3 a day instead of 12-15 a day.

I got my three month Lupron shot last Thursday. This usually causes a few days of increased hot flashes.

It’s still not up to the 12-15/day rate, and for this I am grateful.

I’m trying extra hard not to think about the possibility of going through menopause all over again after I come off of Lupron in a couple of years. Not to mention the prospect of having cycles again! Don’t take away one of the few bonuses of breast cancer treatment!

I know, inconvenience is the kind of problem to have. But I’m going to let myself whine about this just a little bit.

Okay, I’m done whining. I feel better now. I’m going to go make a meatloaf, complete with gluten free bread crumbs.

My grandma took a lot of nutritional supplements and thought a lot about nutrition. She worked at a health food store, Ames’ Nutrition, until she was about 80. In some respects, she was far ahead of her time, for example her concern about cholesterol. Other times, her beliefs and health practices struck me as eccentric and at times, down right illogical. Like the time she asked for a whole wheat bun at Burger King. Maybe she thought by requesting whole wheat, it would help the fast food chain reconsider their offerings. Okay, now that doesn’t sound so illogical. A better example would be when she put honey in my grandpa’s eyes to help his cataracts. Grandma always carried a large purse. When we had some kind of ailment, she often had some remedy in there. She always had papaya enzyme tablets in there, in case someone had indigestion.

My father-in-law was visiting recently. He got a look at my pill box and was impressed by the size of the daily compartments. After many years of just taking vitamin D and calcium, I am now taking A LOT of supplements. I laugh at myself and think, “I am one of those crazy supplement people. One of the pod people.” Cancer has made me more like my grandmother than I had expected to be.

So what supplements are in the enormous pockets of my pill organizer, you ask? (Everything but the multi-vitamin are what my naturopath has recommended for me.)
Vitamin D (breast cancer prevention)
Vitamin E (tissue healing)
Fish oil (cancer prevention)
COQ10 (for cardiac health)
Bone Strength (combo of calcium and other goodies for the bones)
Zyflamend (combo of turmeric, ginger, and other anti-inflammatories for cancer prevention)
B12 to combat fatigue
B Complex for stress
GLA (gamma-linolenic acid) cancer prevention and skin health
Magnesium Citrate-for sleep and to keep me regular ’cause the 2 TB flax meal is not enough for a lady on hormone blockers
Multiple Vitamin (You know, just in case I missed anything.)

I have a definite sense of style. When I was a young girl, most of my clothes were used, hand-me-downs from my brothers or from the local used clothing store. Now it is kind of cool to wear second hand clothes. Back then, it was definitely not cool to do so. And I had interesting taste when I was younger, to put it mildly. When I was 10, I saw these shoes at the second hand store that I really wanted. They were flat and brightly colored. I know that green was one of the colors and there was another one, too. I was happily wearing them at school when one of the older kids recognized what they were. “Hey, she’s wearing bowling shoes!” And upon seeing the $1.49 price marked on the sole in grease pencil, “And they’re used!”

As I got older, my style got more sophisticated. As an adult, I dress pretty nicely for work. I am embarrassed to admit how much I like to shop for dresses and shoes. I hate “going shopping” though and buy nearly all of my clothes online at discount sites.

When I’m not at the office, however, I am much more about “function” than “form.” This is particularly true of the outfit I wear for my daily 3 mile long walks. And as a resident of Seattle, I have nearly every inch of me covered in Gore-Tex. My neighbor, Paula, who works for the famous outdoor recreation outfitters, REI, makes fun of my outfit. I don’t know, I think it is cat walk ready. Maybe I’ll get hired to do a Cabela’s ad to be featured in Field and Stream.

For the breast cancer survivor on the go. The latest in waterproof walking attire, complete with hot flash friendly layering.

For the breast cancer survivor on the go. The latest in waterproof walking attire, complete with hot flash friendly layering.

I had my first follow-up mammogram this morning. Lefty looked good. Righty got to opt out because it is no longer filled with breast tissue.

I wasn’t sure how much this visit would stress me out but it was fine. And I’m not sure if I was imagining it but the compression on lefty seemed awfully tight. Maybe once you’ve had breast cancer, they turn the screws extra tight. But it was still tolerable and obviously, they were squeezes for a good cause!

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I’m so happy! I thought I would have to work this weekend to get all of my work done. But my energy came back today and I was able to finish writing my assessment reports.

And what does this mean?

It means that I get a three-day weekend!

Yes, I was looking at swimsuits on the Land’s End website today. I have a complicated history with swimsuits. I have avoided wearing them for the most part. Additionally, swimming bothers my eczema. But my skin is doing much better on this wheat free diet and I have dreams of getting a hot tub in the back yard. By summer, I will have a permanent right breast, too, instead of my empanada-shaped temporary one. Woo hoo!

I know that breast cancer changes a lot of women’s view of their own body. We tend to dwell on the negative aspects of loss. They are real, don’t get me wrong. I have to say, though that I like my new outlook on my belly fat (hey, you are going to be transplanted north in 6 weeks) and the fact that I am kind of looking forward to swim suit season, even though I am unlikely to have a backyard hot tub or go to the tropics any time soon.

It’s just good to be looking forward to another season with all of my surgeries behind me. And I do feel better in my body. I eat well, I exercise, I meditate, and I see all of my wonderful care providers. The fact that I have not been reduced to a pile of tear-soaked rubble makes me feel powerful and strong from the inside out.

So yesterday was my day of hapless mess-ups and feeling bad about how disorganized I feel. Right after I posted, “Chaos“, I had more. I realized that I’d forgotten about another patient appointment that I’d neglected to cancel for my sick day. Luckily, I realized this fact 45 minutes before the actual appointment time. I jumped into the car wearing jeans and no make up and got to the appointment about 30 minutes early to regroup. At least I had showered that day and was wearing clean clothes, which had not been true the prior two days since I was convalescing with my cold.

Do you know how I forgot these two appointments? Remember when I went all Golem after losing my my schedule for a single day because my smartphone got wet? But in that day, I scheduled several appointments, which I had to record elsewhere while my phone was drying out on its little bed of rice. When my phone came back to life, I know I went through my notes to make sure that all of the new appointments were recorded on my now alive phone. Since checking this again, I discovered that I did update my schedule correctly every day between 1/14 and 3/11 (the date of my surgery) except for one date. Yes, that date would be 1/14, the day I tried to take off as a sick day.

I’ve decided that all cancer patients deserve a personal assistant to help them maintain their schedules, especially if they are the schedule keepers at home and at work.

As you know, I was pretty bummed and overwhelmed yesterday. But I rallied. Tomorrow is another day. This morning, two families showed up to see me at 9:30 am! My schedule indicated that one family had arrived 24 hours early for their appointment. I felt terrible. I figured it was my fault since I have been so discombobulated. I apologized. Fortunately, the mom knows about my health status so she didn’t yell at me or anything. I was very apologetic. They are coming back tomorrow.

I knew that the appointment had been scheduled by email. I wanted to see if I had made the error, in which case I would discount my fees for this family.

To my astonishment, I saw that I had sent not one but two emails saying that the appointment was for tomorrow and I also confirmed that this was the date the mom had requested for the appointment.

Phew! It is a little lame to be so happy about this. But I will take whatever slice of sanity I can get.

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Yay, my fever broke yesterday! Besides being distracted by the image of a broken fever (such a curious idiom), I am feeling a lot better today. I have a lot more energy and my body aches are gone. I will take it easy today, not to worry. I have had many relapses in the past by powering up for full speed ahead too soon after getting through the first part of a cold.

I hope all of you are well during this cold and flu season. This year’s flu is pretty bad. I’m glad I took that flu shot last October when my oncologist offered it to me. But I promise to go back to my Howard Hughes ways!

Lindbergh High School Reunion '82, '83, '84, '85

Join us this summer for our reunion in Renton, WA!

George Lakoff

George Lakoff has retired as Distinguished Professor of Cognitive Science and Linguistics at the University of California at Berkeley. His newest book "The Neural Mind" is now available.

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