If you’ve watched congressional hearings in the U.S., you’ve heard the phrase, “Reclaiming my time.” A congress member has a time limit for their questioning of witnesses. When the witness does not answer the question but instead strategically attempts to fill up time with counter attacks or other irrelevant talk, the congress member will say, “Reclaiming my time” to stop the clock and preserve their opportunity to participate as fully as they can in the hearing. Reportedly, this was a strategy popularized by the democrat congresswoman, Maxine Waters. She used it like the goddess that she is and you can watch it here.
I’ve been thinking a great deal of late about how I use my time. Being a wife, mother, and clinical psychologist, and part-time activist takes up a significant amount of time and energy. Frankly, as I’ve mentioned, being an awake American requires a lot of emotional energy. When I was going through cancer treatment in 2012, I was able to take advantage of the flexibility of my private practice as well as the fact that I am married and have a husband who also brings in income. I was able to cut back my hours to 75-80% of full-time and to take off time for surgery recovery. I was also devoting a great deal of time and energy to my daughter, who from the ages of 11 to 19, was experiencing severe mental health issues. I had my SCAD caused heart attacks at the end of this time, which further called for continued self-care, to the extent that was possible. Consequently, I never returned to full-time work. I still work 75-80% and in recent years, I have increased the time I take off, which is now about 11 weeks per year. It is unpaid because I am self-employed but I am lucky in that even part-time I make a decent amount of money and my husband has even better earnings. Nonetheless, I have been exhausted by Trump, the pandemic, and the re-election of Trump. I am exhausted by the realization that a significant minority of U.S. voters are so steeped in delusion, hatred, and fear, that they have confused immorality with upright living.
I am not an unlimited resource. I do recognize that unlike many, I have easier choices about how I spend my time. My husband and I have reduced parenting responsibilities, own our home, and in the larger scheme of things, are wealthy, living in a beautiful part of the country with a lot of like-minded people. Although one reaction to this may be guilt about complaining about my limited time, instead, I see it as my responsibility to reclaim my time to work for democracy while maintaining my health. I also know that as a 60-year-old, there are things I want to do that are important to my spiritual health such as my meditation practice and making art.
Some of this examination has been painful and has resulted in sadness and anger. Overextending oneself and being generous beyond sustainability is often expected of women, especially wives, mothers, and other caretakers. I am very skilled at organizing, leading, and community building. I am generous by nature. I do not expect generosity in return but I expect fairness and there have been some recent events in my professional life with younger colleagues and my long time commercial landlord, which have been trying and disenchanting. I moved my office to a place where I am not reliant on or responsible for other people in the office. By getting new space, I reclaimed my time. The space happens to be beautiful and is a place of solace and calm.
This is just one example. There are others that I am working through. We often run on the treadmill of life and think that nothing can be different. Perhaps that is true for many of us, but it is not true for all. I often recommend to parents of young children that they go on dates without their children on a regular basis. When they reply, “We don’t have time,” I tell them that that is their brain’s way of telling them that they are past due for time together and that they really need to find a way to do it.
In other words, brains in overdrive get so stuck on real and perceived dangers get stuck and inflexible. They have trouble pausing, shifting, and examining reality. It a life where reactivity takes precedence over living a more intentional life.
Take a pause every day, even to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. (Make sure it is your belly is that is rising and falling with your breath, not your chest. The two techniques have opposite effects.) Perhaps you will find some clarity and in that clarity an opportunity to make changes.
Please consider reclaiming your time, if you can and don’t automatically assume that you can’t. It is not only more healthy for you, your friends, and your family, but the country needs you.
Peace friends,
Elizabeth
My Eyes Are Up Here 