So my phone alarm went off this morning as it does every month to remind me to do something very important. Is it to pay the mortgage or the rent on my office? No silly, it’s to remind me that it was time for my monthly breast self-exam. When the alarm went off, I laughed a little. What was I going to find that three mammograms, two ultrasounds, a biopsy, and an MRI would have missed? Then I thought, “What the heck? I’ll just do it and keep up the habit. Plus, lefty has not gotten nearly the attention that righty has gotten.” So I did my exam and not surprisingly I felt nothing, even in the area that has a known tumor.

So ladies, you will soon tire of hearing me say this if you haven’t already, be sure to get regular mammograms. Yes, they are awkward, yes, they hurt, yes, you may feel that you are the star of some really weird fetish film. Plus, almost all of us have given birth by the time we start mammograms. That’s a lifetime of awkward physical exams for each kid. Finally, for the 12% of you that will some day get breast cancer, all that boob squishing will likely save your life.

Yes, I know I turning into a zealot. I’m going to dye my hair pink, wear only pink clothing, and get a pink ribbon tattooed on my right forearm. Feel free to dodge my calls if this happens but don’t forget to get your mammograms.