Yes, I know that’s it’s raining but I had a lovely walk, nonetheless. First, I am loving my new rain pants! I bought them a couple of weeks before the weather changed so that I could keep up my daily walk habit. So far, so good. I was warm and dry under my rain gear and after I’d walked for awhile, it was even nice to get some light drizzle on my face. It wasn’t that cold out and there was only a little wind. The flowers are starting to look a little bit happier after going with out water for so many weeks. The leaves are starting to get really pretty. As I was walking along, I remembered that I used to like to walk in light rain. I remember that an old college boyfriend once remarked that I stood up straight instead of hunching over when I walked in the rain. He liked that. (It was about the only thing, though. We were not very compatible. He criticized me for “not arguing enough.” Here, I’ll pause for a bit while you all laugh your asses off about that one…. In grad school, a class mate, Penny who was from Appalachian West Virginia and a real coal miner’s daughter awesomely twanged, “Elizabeth would argue with a post.” Fortunately, I have mellowed with age. Oh wait, now my husband is laughing his ass off.)

Back to my lovely morning. As I was walking, I noticed that for the last couple of weeks, I have had a much welcome decrease in mind chatter. I have had a near constant hyperactive chatter going on in my head since my cancer diagnosis unless I am absorbed in some other activity. Although I’ve had my times of churning anxiety, it is mostly just a busy mind chatter, just thinking about how I am doing, what needs to be done, etc. Sometimes the chatter is helpful because it helps me process and plan but at other times, it is like listening to a kid who is really into some movie that I’ve never seen describe the entire thing, scene by scene. In other words, relentless and exhausting.

I notice that this internal chatter has gotten slower, less frequent, are more contemplative. I think my daily walks and meditation are helping quite a bit. And perhaps it will help me stop arguing with posts. They are very frustrating. Posts can stonewall like no one’s business.