Dear Surgical Drain,
I know I broke up with you last summer after our little fling. Against my better judgment, I took you back last week when I got the TRAM surgery. Maybe I was thinking that things would be different this time. After all, there was you AND another drain. What could be spicier than co-milgling with bulbous plastic twins? However, this threesome, instead of being exciting, was just awkward and messy. Although I can’t speak from personal experience, I suspect this is oft true of other ménage à trois type situations.
But again, I do thank you for serving your purpose and keeping me from swelling up like Violet Beauregarde. My breast cancer experience has contained far too many references to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Roald Dahl.
Keep on keeping it real,
Elizabeth
You should be so glad that I screened out the grosser images of Jackson-Pratt drains, which came up in my Google images search. This one is unused and straight out of the package. You’re welcome.
My Eyes Are Up Here 
That gave me a giggle and the other ones linked to it !!! My drains are like the new handbag except the one on my neck left early when it fell out in the shower… Whoops.. No way to hide the one in my leg as it sits on floor next to me for companionship!!!
I’m glad you some giggles but I hope laughing isn’t painful! Fortunately, I’ve learned a laughing technique that doesn’t hurt my abdomen. I wish I could figure out something to offset the ouch from coughing and sneezing!
Maybe you could enclose your leg drain in a fake ball, attached to a plastic chain. Then you could pretend you’re on a chain gang!
Lol no laughter is ok as no abdomen surgery.. Said that to some friends that visited and my husband when they were telling jokes!!! So this is a plus!!! Yes ball and chain is right!!!
Hmmm….looks like a combo of a mechanical heart, a Chihuly glass & an Xmas ornament! Loverleeee!
Oh Marla, I should have saved mine to trim my next tree!
Wow, Liz, just think how impressive you’ll be at the bedside the next time a friend or family member has a JP drain. You can sweep in and look so cool while everyone squirms. Shoo the nurse away, grab that emesis basin and drain away. An ever-expanding skill set!!!
Just happened to catch a broadcast of “Fresh Air” chock full of food for thought. That Terry Gross is always expanding my universe, darn her! She was talking to author Emily Rapp, who has just published a memoir (which she started as a blog–and somewhere Auntie Gloria is insisting “Liz, you could do that!”) about her toddler who died of Tay-Sachs. That’s right, another feel-good interview. Emily spoke eloquently on the sloppy attempts of onlookers to offer comfort during her son’s illness–their worst comments–and how the simplest confirmation and validation was most useful and appreciated. I also loooooved that she spoke on the issue of a “blessed life,” as in, “Our family is so blessed. We’ve never had to deal with anything like that. I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t do that. We’re blessed blah blah blah.” She spoke about the fact that, of course, we all have to do it, at some point. That we perpetually live with loss, and inevitably tragedy, by virtue of being human. But the idea of the “blessed” or “lucky” life implies that others are not blessed, or are unlucky. Good stuff, man. P.S. Uh, given that I have missed a few posts, if you’ve spoken of yourself as “blessed” in your blog, please accept my apologies for kicking you in the knees. In the future, however, I think it would be more accurate to refer to yourself as “enjoying the random benefaction of chaos,” or perhaps, “floating in the heretofore unknown sweet spot of the shitstorm,” or some such. You’ll know what to say.
“Floating in the heretofore unknown sweet spot of the shit storm!” You must also write a book!
I love Fresh Air and I think I’ll listen to that online tomorrow. I read a book review about that author and her family but wasn’t fully engaged when I read it. Wait a minute, it was in the magazine I was reading the night I came home from surgery. I give myself a pass.
I probably have said that “I am blessed” at one post or other in the blog. I know I’ve felt that way once or twice. I’m not a believer in divine intervention, though so I guess I just feel grateful for the good things I do have in my life. Telling someone going through the shit storm how blessed or lucky you are because you’ve been “spared” is just kind of clueless. Bleh.
And yes, I’m quite good with a JP drain and would be happy to help out a friend, assuming the help was wanted and needed. I for one, prefer to do such things myself rather than have a friend or hubby do it for me. I was fine with the nurses doing it. Emptying my drain was nothing compared to the fact that they were having to empty my urine bag every three minutes.
Oh poo, I have just written a reply to your comment and now it has disappeared! Maybe it’s out there. I’ll give it a minute to resurface. It was the best thing I’ve written IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
Oh my comment did get posted. False alarm. Hmm, it’s not quite as scintillating as I had imagined.
I hate when that happens!!!!
Wait, that was for your first comment, the …IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, one. This blog stuff is hard for me. Also, I think it was indeed quite scintillating. It may have even been titillating. Yes, I’m sure of it.
I know, comments can get posted in reverse order. So frustrating!
Your blog has evolved into a league of its own. So many on the team possess amazing skills in writing,expression and medical knowledge. I am so impressed.
That is pretty cool, isn’t it? The players in the comments section come from six countries, spanning three continents, North America, Europe, and Australia/Oceania. And remember, you are one of the star players on the team, Mom!
Granted, Terry Gross can be a putz, and I still can’t hear her say “Fresh Air” without being irritated by her voice, but this made me like her just a little bit more. Now I can listen to her…for a few minutes.
Beth, first Chihuly and now Terry Gross? You are headed toward my “curmudgeon list”!
If you put me on that list, I demand you make me first! I know, being a white liberal, I should worship at the alter of Fresh Air, but her voice drives me up a wall. I’m tooo much of a smartass and she’s too earnest.
Sorry, Beth. The top spots already taken by a former no-handed ping pong player.
Oh, it’s on! I have waited all my life to best James at something. If it means being the best curmudgeon, it…is…on! ;- D
I have created…a monster!
P.S. The film was pretty funny. Thanks for digging up the video!