I’ve been thinking about a mother and her teen daughter with whom I’ve worked in my psychology practice. They had lost their husband and father ten years previously to cancer. What I remember most was the mother’s comments about their grief as a mother and daughter, that they loved their new family (she had remarried and had another child) and that they were capable of happiness. But each day they grieve for the loss of a father and husband and the grief co-exists alongside the happiness.
I feel in my own grief process regarding my breast cancer that my efforts to integrate it into the rest of my life experience is resulting in this kind of accepting co-existence. I am still working on it, but I feel close to the next place I need to be in this. And I know that I will additional opportunities to grieve my experience. (Our brain is kind and often gives us breaks in between periods of grief.) And I know that I will have other losses and challenges in my life that will test my fortitude and serenity.
But today, I am reminded of my favorite hymn. I don’t really write about my religious beliefs. And part of that is because people fight about it. I don’t need to have people fighting on my blog. Another part of it is that I really haven’t managed to hammer out all of the details of my beliefs. And suspect that I never will. That God is love and that we are here to care for one another, are my central beliefs, which I suspect will never change. And I will always love this hymn. I hope that whatever you believe that you will appreciate the message of hope, love, and resilience.
My life flows on in endless song;
Above earth’s lamentation,
I hear the sweet, tho’ far-off hymn
That hails a new creation;
Thro’ all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing;
It finds an echo in my soul—
How can I keep from singing?What tho’ my joys and comforts die?
The Lord my Saviour liveth;
What tho’ the darkness gather round?
Songs in the night he giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that refuge clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of Heaven and Earth,
How can I keep from singing?I lift my eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smooths,
Since first I learned to love it;
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing;
All things are mine since I am his—
How can I keep from singing?
(The history and text for this hymn can be found here.)
(Enya recorded a lovely version of this hymn in the 90’s though I prefer to hear my mother’s and perhaps I will be able to twist her arm into singing it for my blog.)
EM,
Accepting co-existence. I relate very much with that term after suffering tremendous losses as a child (mother & 2-year-old brother killed in auto accident when I was eleven). We do live with these losses for the duration of our lives. And yes, we do have times where the ugly head of sadness & grief STILL sticks its head out. Even for me, 41 years later! But I too find great comfort & peace in my faith, knowing that I certainly can’t control life’s tragic surprises, but at the same time, knowing Someone who can!
Thank you for sharing the beautiful words in this hymn! I am a musical person, pianist at my church, teach piano privately…so I also relate to this hymn, recognizing tremendous Truth in these words. “The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart…how can I keep from singing.”
Yes. My sentiment exactly.
Thanks!
Maria
Thanks so much for you comment. I am so sorry for your losses but I am heartened that you have found peace and healing.
-Elizabeth
One of my favorite hymns also. I would be happy to sing it, with you. There is another verse. What though the tempest round me roars etc.
Martha MacKenzie, don’t think that I did not notice the price you are demanding for a recording. You know that I have always been self-conscious about singing in front of people. However, this might be a good growth opportunity for me. And if you took one verse, Zoe took another, I took one, and we sang the last together, we might create a three generational treasure.
I am meditating on it. Contain your excitement, please. You know how I am.
Yes, one of my very favorite hymns, as well. I don’t think people pay enough attention to the grief that comes with cancer and doctors don’t generally prepare us for it, either. Thank you for writing about it.
Thanks, KT.
[…] – issues we encounter through the cancer experience and wonderfully dealt with this week by Elizabeth, Eileen , Beth and Telling Knots on their respective […]
I like the way you put it, that the brain is kind enough to give a person a break/some relief during a grieving process. I suppose that’s because we can’t possibly fully feel pain and process it at the same time, yet we seem to need to do both to keep on keepin’ on.
Yep, I think that’s why it comes in waves, so we don’t have to eat all of the elephant at once.
I wasn’t aware of this hymn, but it’s beautiful. Thank you for sharing it. It’s a fine line between grief and moving on, isn’t it? That story about that mother and daughter is poignant.
Yes, there is a fine line between grief and moving on. And as a mother, you know that the day to day life and care for a child has to keep happening no matter what else is going on in your life. Knowing this and that it would be all too easy for me to get on with my daily life, I’ve forced my self to turnover every stone of possible grief at times and at other times, it just bubbles up on its own.
I am realizing more and more that there is a co-existence of grief and moving on as the mother and daughter have unfortunately had to learn to do.
[…] July, I wrote about the co-existence of grief and joy as being part of resilience in the post, How Can I Keep from Singing? The post title is the name of one of my favorite Christian hymns. I included the lyrics in the […]