Some animals, like bees, are eusocial. They live in highly organized social groups, each with a job to do, and all for the survival of the group. Adult bees are drones, workers, and for one unlucky female, the Queen.
This would all seem so complicated except for one thing. Bees have tiny brains and they don’t live very long. In other words, it is unlikely that more than the tiniest bit of learning goes into this process and I’d say it’s safe to say that no thinking goes into it. Bees follow instinct. They do their jobs, they don’t change roles, and when they communicate, they send messages that are easy for everyone to understand.
People are also social animals but from an evolutionary standpoint, we are driven for individual survival, not group survival, a quality the ethologist Richard Dawkins called the “selfish gene“. Evolution is not everything. There are other forces at work and some of them even motivate us to get along with one another and nurture each other for the greater good.
But people have big brains and live a long time! We learn to play many roles and carry out many responsibilities. And these roles and responsibilities are not predetermined at birth. Unlike bees, we are not born into an inflexible caste.
Living in a group is really complicated. We communicate with our words and other behaviors. We don’t always say what we mean. We don’t always know what we mean. Our roles overlap and our goals may be at cross purposes.
Bees have very organized relationships. However, they don’t have intimate relationships. People bump and scrap with each other all of the time. We protect ourselves from real and perceived slights. Most of us put a lot of energy into individual survival as well as to helping our loved ones.
I try to live a peaceful life. I try to be a helpful and nurturing person. I try to belong to the community of humanity and to contribute to its health. But I often fail to do so and sometimes spectacularly so.
I am a nice person but I am not always nice. I am a caring person but sometimes I try to protect myself at the expense of others. Sometimes, I use my intellect to come up with fancy justifications for my behavior when in my heart of hearts, I know that I am doing wrong. I am a happy person but sometimes I am irritable and sometimes I lose my temper and yell at the very people that in my hearts of hearts, I love the most.
Almost every time this happens it is because I have neglected my self-care. I have pushed myself too hard, worked too many hours, not eaten well, not taken time to myself, and not exercised. When I think of myself last, it is because I am looking outward to what I think my family needs, ignoring cues from myself that a good deal of my distress is simply because I am not caring for myself.
It is at the times I make these seemingly altruistic sacrifices, I am most prone to behaving selfishly.
I am not perfect. That is okay. Expecting myself to have no needs is not okay. Being selfish is not okay. I am not perfect. That is okay.
My Eyes Are Up Here 
Even saints have faults. They know what they should do, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
Great blog. As I have said many times, perfection is so boring!
Thanks, Mom!
If you ever get a chance to see this movie it is amazing about the importance of bees to our lives http://www.queenofthesun.com Yes perfection is boring and non of us can achieve that … Sometimes it is good to simplify our lives. Xx
Helen, I will look at the video. Thank you! And bees are so important! I am hoping for a solution to the collapse of the bee population and soon. I know there was a link to a pesticide but there’s always the lag between understanding the problem and implementing appropriate laws. In the meantime, I vote carefully, talk to people about the problem, and keep lots of plants that attract pollinators in my garden.
Yes this film was an eye opener to me of their importance …
I spent far too many years seeking “perfect” to impress “others.” Through self-awareness I no longer look to others for approval. And, self-assessment has empowered me to honestly acknowledge imperfections and work toward corrective action. Thank you for sharing this post.
Yes, self-assessment is an important piece of things! You sound like a very balanced person, Yvonne.
Interesting article. I am also interested in the topic of eusociality and have written a bit about it on my website, Eusociality Site. I see you have compared and contrasted bee colonies with modern social groups. This is a fascinating topic that a growing number of writers are now considering. One interesting comparison I read was by E. O. Wilson in The Social Conquest of Earth, which I reviewed on my site, but there are additional authors who have written on it too.
Hi Christopher, thank you for reading as well as for your thoughtful comments. I will take a look at your site. I am a clinical psychologist so my training in ethology and evolutionary biology is somewhat limited though it was covered in my graduate level development courses. I thought it was fascinating then and I found myself, as I often do, relating a current observation to past experiences and past learning.
Definitely.