“He’s a boy. He’s my friend. But he’s not my boyfriend!”
Since I was a girl, I have heard other girls say this time and time again. First they were my peers, then my patients, then a variation of this said by my own daughter. The last time I read the research literature on the subject (ahem, awhile ago), I learned that children will play and interact with both sexes equally until about age 3, at which time same sex preferences become the norm.
I have had close male friends since I was a teen. And since I was an adult, men have been among my very closest friends. My husband is my best friend and has been for 28 years. I’m not talking about him. I’m talking about my platonic male friends.
I suppose this is somewhat unusual. At least, most of my women friends do not have non-related close male friends. At my core, it’s felt natural to me. I grew up with five brothers and my mom has had male friends through choir for many years. I am interested in people and men are people.
I have to admit, though, that making and keeping male friends requires hard work. The easiest way to have a male friend, or any friend, really, is to work together. I don’t have any male colleagues at my office. Most of my close male friends don’t even live near by. Most of them live on the east coast.
I had a sad epiphany last week. I was talking to a close male friend and asked him a question. I don’t remember what the question was but I realized after asking it that I already knew the answer and I had been asking out of irrational anxiety and seeking reassurance about the stability of our friendship. I commented on this to him and noted that I needed to think about why I had asked the question in the first place. Then the answer came to me. “I’ve lost every close male friend I’ve ever had.”
I didn’t mean that I’d fought with them or that I no longer considered them to be friends at all. People move. I’ve lived around the country. So have a good number of my friends. Men get married and get busy with family. They tend to work longer hours. On top of that, men are less likely to be taught how to maintain friendships across distance, how to make phone calls, emails, send Christmas cards, etc. Whenever I happen to see these friends, however, they are thrilled to see me.
Are you surprised that the reasons were not because of the man/woman thing? There is research showing that men tend to sexualize friendliness from women whereas women just think they are being friendly. And I also recall many hours as a research assistant reading essays by men and women who were asked to pretend that they had met God and to describe the encounter. As part of the research, men were told that God was female and the women were told that God was male. The women tended to describe God as an ideal friend, a great listener, kind, and someone who understood them. The men’s essays included a lot of sexual fantasies. But these studies were conducted long ago and the men and women studied were college students. People have a way of growing up.
It is true that I have had a couple of close friends try to cross friendship boundaries. But they were not crazy and I was clear about the relationship. They got an earful from me, I let my husband know what had transpired, and the relationships survived. And yes, sometimes I flirt with men to whom I am not married. It happens. I never found myself in hot water over it but maybe in luke warm water.
The main impediments I have found are logistical. And yes, I can reach out. I have, many times. There are only so many times I will call, email, or write with no reply. I don’t take this personally but I find it very sad.
Later this week, I will be in North Carolina for my graduate program reunion. I am spending a good part of the day with one of my male friends, who was one of my very closest friends for 3-4 years. We have not spoken to each other since I last visited NC eight years ago. We have texted 2-3 times since then. I know that we will have a marvelous time together. He will be thrilled to see me. But I also know him and he will feel guilty for not keeping in touch. He’s that way, plus when he disclosed recently that he missed me a lot, I did not let him off the hook. “If only there were some communication tools we could use to solve that problem”, I asked. (Yes, I know. I can be an ass kicker. But sometimes people need a light ass kicking from their good natured friend. This was one of those times.)
Friends are so very important. There are a source of love, joy, silliness, and solace. They are only a phone call, a Skype, or a text away.
The study of men and women who wrote essays pretending they had met God and he/she was of the opposite sex. I don’t know how much medieval Christian mysticism you’ve read, but a striking feature is the very sexual nature of some of the imagery, particularly that used by women.
A striking example is Teresa of Avila’s account of the transverberation (piercing) of her heart, which is regarded as the beginning of her “spiritual marriage” with Christ. In mystic ecstasy, she writes, she saw an angel at her left side. She continues, “I saw in his hands a long dart of gold, and at the end of the iron there seemed to me to be a little fire. This I thought he thrust through my heart several times, and that it reached my very entrails. As he withdrew it, I thought it brought them with it, and left me all burning with a great love of God. So great was the pain, that it made me give those moans; and so utter the sweetness that this sharpest of pains gave me, that there was no wanting it to stop, nor is there any contenting of the soul with less than God”. (St. Teresa, Life…Chapter 19). Very sexual imagery.
There is a similar theme with in the writings of the Franciscan mystic St. Angela of Foligno.
One reason I’m bringing this in is because I think that just as there is a sexual component in mysticism, there is one in close friendships. I think it’s unavoidable and very natural. Of course, with my psychodynamics-based training and my interest in medieval mysticism, I guess I would think that.
I think I’ve gone overboard. Sigh. Going back into my little corner now. As you were.
You have not gone overboard, Knot. You are fascinating. I a lot of studying of Bernini’s the Ecstasy of St. Therese and read the passage that you described. I found it also to be rather sensual and also a spiritual altered state of consciousness.
I think there is attraction in friendship, a chemistry in the close ones. And I feel that with both my male and female friends. As far as my own friendships with men, with some there has been sexual attraction and others none at all. And even with those whom I’ve had sexual attraction, like any other crush, it has subsided over time. I guess if you have Freudian training, you might have a different explanation for that. 😉
I do think that having grown up with men, I had a lot of experience interacting with males in a different way. And because there were so many of them, I interacted with many different personalities.
My main point in this post is that I love my friends, all of them, and I wish it were easier to keep in touch with my male friends.
P.S. Knot, have you spoken with Rachel about this topic? I’m sure you recognized that it was her research to which I was referring.
I haven’t, but now that you mention it I will. Thanks!
Life is interesting. I have many opinions but wish to remain silent on this topic.
Ha!