Next Monday is my 49th birthday. My husband asked me what I wanted. I told him, “I don’t want anything. I just want to have dinner with you or something.”
I didn’t really have the emotional energy to think about what I wanted. It’s been a stressful few weeks with lots of worries on top of my normal worries. Sometimes, I worry that I think too much. I think about cancer every day. I think about my husband and daughter every day. I think about the obligations I have to my family, my friends, my job, and to myself. When I am really stressed, as I am at this moment, I worry that I am burdening my friends and family by asking for support, even the support of knowing what I am going through so I don’t have to do it by myself. I am worrying about this right now by sharing this with you. But I also know that when I feel most alone and burdened is the time I need to call on my resources and this means friends.
My friend, Nancy, sent me an email with a parenting resource. Actually, the email was to a bunch of people. Nancy is a dear and she always prefaces any email with, “I hope you are well.” I replied just to her. “I am hanging in there. Things are not going well but I hope you and your family are well.”
I’d never done that before. I got a phone call from her within the hour. I felt a great deal better after we talked. I am very lucky to have such wonderful support in my life.
I’ve been wishing very much to go on a vacation. Then I realize that I’ve just had two vacations, which were wonderful. What I really want is to be away from the stress of the current complications of my life.
Yesterday, I thought to myself, “For my birthday, I want a simple life.”
Immediately, I reflected that this was a fantasy. There are people who have simpler lives than mine, but their lives are complicated. More importantly, I can’t be anyone else, anyway. My life is complicated.
I also started thinking about the fact that I am ending another decade of my life, my forties. I thought, “Wow, a lot has gone on during my 40’s.” But then I started thinking about all of the other decades in my life. Just thinking about all of the changes that occurred for me just as a natural part of growing up during the first two decades made my head spin. A lot happens between the time we are born and the time we hit 20 years old. Holy Cow!
But I still want a vacation and I want a simple life.
And then it dawned on me. Although I am working on Monday, my birthday, I will not go into the office for the rest of the week. I host Thanksgiving every year and to do so, I need cooking time. So I’ve made a habit of only seeing patients on the Monday of Thanksgiving week.
My job after Monday will be to cook and spend time with my family. My husband is taking off the entire week.
I think I will get my birthday wish for a few days and this makes me very happy.
Oh, Elizabeth… first of all, Happy 49th Birthday in advance. Second, great plan for next week. Third, oh, do I wish my life were simpler, too. I am working on it, in small ways, very slowly & gradually. It’s not easy. And I am not raising a teenaged daughter like you are.
I’m glad you shared all this, because, of course, so many of us can relate. And a burden shared does feel a little lighter. And you’d do it for any of us. You DO do it for your friends already. You know that. I think those of us who care, who take care of others in our work as well as our personal lives, feel these kinds of stresses more keenly, and perhaps have a harder time asking for someone to help when we need it.
Hugs & love to you, Kathi
Kathi,
After I am done appreciating your words, I will convey how much they mean to me.
It may take awhile.
I wish you all the best in your own rough patch. They really, suck, don’t they? On the plus side, they are not infinite.
Let’s cling to that truth in the meantime.
Much love.
Sorry it has been a rough while and wishing you your birthday wish
Thanks so much, Meredyth.
dear Elizabeth,
I have often thought how wonderful it would be during times of complex and overwhelming stress and sorrow and loneliness if there was a site I could go to and ask (okay beg and plead) for a big. ‘ole mass hug. I’m not sure how that would work, but it sure would put the kibosh on some of the effects of so many burdens we carry, and how alone we feel with them.
it easy for others to say, “live in the now”, but it is so, so hard. when you are so busy being a wife, a mom to a teen-age girl, a professional so committed to a standard of excellence, a daughter, a friend, an artist, et. al. and dealing with cancer – the “nows” that continually pop up all seem to require looking back as well as ahead in order to have a clear view of what’s happening in the “now”. so sometimes that notion just gets shot to shit, and makes us feel even more worried with a lot more “what ifs?” it sucks!
I am wishing you a very Happy Birthday a few days ahead of time. I am sending you my best thoughts and wishes for that wonderful island of time after Monday to revel in traditions and cooking a fantastic thanksgiving feast, and for the time you and John will have together while he has taken the week off. I am sending double-good-luck for finding ways to make even a few things In your life just a little more simple. I am sending you arm loads of hugs to let you know I am thinking of you, and thanking you for my being able to put another notch into my belt of gratitude for the friendship we share, and that I cherish so dearly.
and I am sending much love to you Dear Friend; rest assured you will be counted a treasured blessing to my heart on thanksgiving and always…ooxoo
karen
karen, you always post the most loving, thoughtful comments. It’s a great gift to your blog/cyber sisters.. I hope you know how much we all appreciate you. And back at you. You have scarcely had an easy time of it yourself. xoxo, Kathi
Karen, you made me cry, in the very best way. Xoxoxo.
I’m sorry life is so stressful for you right now. I’m glad to hear you will be able to take most of next week off. In case I haven’t said it lately, I’m so thankful for your warm friendship all these years! Love, Robin
Robin, I am most grateful for our friendship, as well. I am so happy that we were able to visit twice this year!
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/12/the-real-roots-of-midlife-crisis/382235/
I thought that was an interesting article and I think there is much truth in it.. hugs!
Thanks for the hugs and yes, that is an interesting article!