We all know people who are hard to contact. They don’t return phone calls, emails, or texts on a consistent basis. My husband is one of those people. It’s kind of a joke in our extended network of family and friends. He’s not mean or thoughtless. He just gets wrapped up in what he is doing at the time and has trouble shifting gears. To be fair, he has gotten much more reliable about returning text messages, though it is not unusual for him to text me a question, my immediately answer it, and then my not hear from him again for quite some time.
Consequently, I don’t communicate with him as much as I’d like to when he’s not home. It’s not particularly effective or satisfying. But I do know that if I REALLY need to contact him at work, if the situation is urgent, I can do it. We have a system. I text him, call his cell phone, and call his office desk phone, one right after the other. Then he knows that he needs to drop what he is doing and to contact me. I don’t do this often, in fact, it’s been years and I don’t even remember the reason I last engaged the Bat phone/text/land line sequence.
John is in southern Utah with his step-dad, camping and backpacking. They’ve been planning the trip for a long time. It is a 10 day long trip, which is slightly longer than our family vacations. They on Saturday of last week. They will return on Tuesday of next week. They are seeing incredible country. John is texting photos to me every day as well as “I miss you” and “I love you” texts. I’ve spoken to him twice by phone. It’s not as if we are not communicating and in fact, this is much more frequent technology-supported communication than we typically exchange. But I can’t rely on being able to contact him at any time. Phone reception is spotty.
I don’t know exactly why but since the day he has left, our daughter has been having a very hard time, and shall we say, she is not suffering in silence. I feel like I am alone in some kind of parenting Hell. We did have a brief texting conversation this morning. He’d spoken to her yesterday and was worried about her, based on the conversation they’d had. I’ve been in a tricky position of wanting him to enjoy his trip but at the same time, I need support and he is my husband. I tried to need less than I did and as usually is the case, this strategy does not work well and I end up getting needier than I was in the first place. This morning, in a texting conversation I told him that I would not agree to him being way and unreachable for so long again. It was not my plan to tell him this. That’s just going to make him worry and detract from his trip. People, I am a work in progress. I will keep trying.
Sometimes being alone is a beautiful and peaceful place. Sometimes it’s just lonely.
I don’t really know what to say. I’m sorry things are rough for you right now. You’ve certainly expressed yourself clearly and beautifully, as usual. I hope it helped some.
Knot, usually writing helps some. It didn’t really, this time. But your encouragement does. Thank you, very kindly.
I understand you very well. My husband is on the road the whole week and he only comes back home at weekends. This has been like that for about 15 years. On the one hand I can do as I please with my kids and in the other hand I need his support very badly.He phones several times everyday and I always ask him to talk to the boys and what to tell them. The father is such an important figure and they take things better if the father says so. Same thing said by me have the oposite effect. Boys miss their dad a lot and I do too. He misses us all. With time we all have learnt to leave with his job.
Mary, yes, fathers are so important in a child’s life. That sounds like a challenging life and I know that it is one that many families live.
Once again, you “speak” to me and help me feel a little less crazy in my own life. Your experience, while not related to parenting for me, nevertheless reflects a situation going on at home. I was starting to feel like I was being unreasonable in my neediness at a time when my husband is going through some stuff of his own, and while I wish I wasn’t being needy, I see that I am not alone in being less than a “perfect” wife and I can cut myself some slack now 😉
Marie, I am always overjoyed when my self-disclosure helps someone else feel better.
[…] always feel less alone in my own struggles when I read Elizabeth‘s blog and this week was no […]
So sorry Liz. Hope your visit today will help. I have good food, and maybe some good stories ( if I can remember them)
Before you know it, John will be home. Probably tired the first few days, but he will be home.
It was a great visit, Mom!
Hi Elizabeth, I’m so sorry things are difficult lately. It must be so difficult to be a “single” parent for this length of time. And you are right: being alone can be wonderful or manifest itself as loneliness.
xoxo
Beth, this is so incredibly kind and generous of you to say given that you are a single parent full time!