As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been having a particularly hard time with parenting challenges. I am also working a lot, back to full time hours for the next few months. I am taking off for a number of trips this summer as well as time to entertain out-of-town guests. When I don’t work, I don’t get paid. So on the weeks that I am working, I am putting in extra hours. I am also working extra because for reasons I cannot yet determine, after 12 years of private practice, I am having a particularly hard time collecting balances from the families with whom I work. If I don’t get paid, I don’t get paid.
I may have mentioned about a thousand times that I am not currently popular with my teenaged daughter. I can tell myself over and over and even from a point of authority as a child/adolescent psychologist, that to a certain extent, this is normative of mother/teen daughter relationships. But I can also tell you, normative or not, it is a source of great pain in my life. A mama is built to be happy when her girl is happy. Mine is not only frequently unhappy, but often unhappy with me. I have forged a way in my life to be happy, nonetheless, but I have to tell you, it requires a LOT of effort.
This morning, I was feeling overwhelmed with my workload. This is an extremely busy week. Part of that business is related to our going away for the long weekend to a house on the beach. I am very much looking forward to it. I thought to myself, “I’m too busy to walk today.” Then I thought, “I’ll just take a 30 minute long walk. That was my original walking goal, anyway.”
I put on my walking clothes and ventured out into a foggy Seattle morning. I included the local coffee shop, Bird on a Wire, in my walk, I do this when I need an extra boost. The people that work there are always so nice to me and the coffee is a special treat. Angel was the barista today. He is in his mid-twenties and he lives up to his name. Angel customarily introduces people to each other in the coffee shop. He has brought John and me a glass of water when he thought the coffee line was really long and we might need a little refreshment. Angel is also really funny and he actually took his nephew, whom he frequently babysits, to see my daughter’s choir performance!
This morning, I saw that Angel was taking extra care with my latte. He added extra art.
As he handed the coffee to me, he explained, “You are the butterfly and your husband and daughter are the hearts. You are apart from them but looking on to make sure they are well.” Then he laughed. He had made up a little story.
I said, “Angel, I think you know my family better than you realize. My daughter prefers her dad. I know this may change.”
Angel looked sincerely sad for me. I know he likes John and me a lot. We like him, too.
Little moments can mean a lot. Little kindnesses can go a long way when I stop to notice them.
I’m glad that I noticed today because I really needed it.
Thank you, Angel.
P.S. I ended up walking 4 1/2 miles.
My Eyes Are Up Here 
You’re fortunate to have a friend as your barista! Have a wonderful time at the beach.
Thanks, Robin!
Parenting challenges—I know them well. Our kids can make us ache inside like no one else can. Your post made me think of some advice I once read: “Raising a child … is like running a marathon of unknown length and unpredictable terrain, with uphill, downhill, and stretches of flat. It is important to take the cups of water whenever you can.” 😉 And Angel offered you a cup (of coffee, better for a foggy morning) at just the right time.
You will make it.
You quoted me to me! That’s just the sweetest. Thank you, kindly. Mwah!
[…] precious and fragile, we really ought to remember to be kinder to each other; so I was touched by Elizabeth‘s story of kindness shown by her barista, the aptly named […]
Angel is the grace we need in times of stress.
Zoey loves you and John very much. It is kind of a Good cop, Bad cop scenario.
She will be thanking you in a few years. All you have to do is look at the two of you. Of course it reminds me of a hymn we sing near Martin Luther King Day. ” I’ve never felt such love”.
Have a great weekend!
Thanks, Mom. We had a great weekend!
I’ve been an eye witness to what a number of my best friends have been put through by their teenaged daughters. It’s positively mind-blowing. They’ve all said it’s easier to be a mom to a teenaged son. They all felt like their daughters didn’t even see them anymore as members of the human race, but punching bags. Their daughters made them feel nearly invisible. I know you know that this, too, shall pass, but it hurts while it’s going on.
It’s so wonderful when someone makes some incredibly perceptive & thoughtful gesture. Makes up for a lot. Massive hugs.
Thank you! Yes, moms and their teen girls can go through a very special kind of Hell together. And yes, it is very painful while it’s going on, for the both of us.