DSC07413I have been working for several months now to reduce the amount of flailing involved in finding more balance in my life. I was working on this before the first heart attack on 4/27 and I’ve attempted to tromp on, one foot in front of another, since the second heart attack on 5/5.

I have been overwhelmed but a month or so, I thought, “Just work on changing one thing.” The change I worked on was increasing the frequency of my walks, which had slipped from five days a week to three days a week. Last week, I walked five times, helped by the long holiday weekend, but I do feel like something has shifted in a positive direction.

My meditation practice had also dropped off. My friend, Nancy, and I are now back to taking a walk to and from her house to the Frye Art Museum for their weekly free sitting meditation, which is excellent. I rarely get the chance to socialize with my closest friends let along exercise and meditate, too!

Someone asked me recently, “How is your heart?” I said, “I don’t really know. It’s not like when I had breast cancer and people were checking on my all of the time.” I’ve stayed at the hospital twice, each for two nights, and had a half-hour long outpatient appointment with a cardiologist on June 2nd. That’s it. I remembered something from my June 2nd appointment. My cardiologist asked me if I wanted to do cardiac rehab. At the time, I thought it meant going to group classes to learn stuff I already knew. Honestly, I wasn’t entirely ready to think of myself as a cardiac patient. I am still working on that.

Meanwhile, I’ve been considering seeing a personal trainer to reinvigorate my physical exercise. I would also like to work on my physical strength and stamina. My hesitation in working with a personal trainer is that I am a cardiac patient. Hmm, maybe someone who specializes in cardiac rehab would be helpful?

I checked the website for the Swedish Cardiac Rehab services. Yes, there are some classes but there are individual appointments as well as an individualized health plan. There are many visits. I called and will start after I return from the Mayo Clinic.

I am relieved. They will be able to help me gauge my progress. They will be able to tell me what losing 45% of heart functioning does to a person. They will help me keep on track.

I coped with breast cancer extremely well. (It still sucked, by the way.) I had a really good self-care plan. But I didn’t make all of my life changes at once. I had forgotten that.

Last Friday, I had a moment that I noticed. It was an intense feeling of well-being. It reminded me of moments I had as a child sitting in the grass, picking dandelions, and blowing the seeds in the air. There’s that blissful moment of watching them take flight.

I am reflecting back on that moment today as I begin a new week. I am holding on to the feeling of letting go.

As always, peace to you, friends.