Archives for category: Feelings

As I have mentioned in the past, my initial college career goal was to be an academic researcher. My particular emphasis was on conducting controlled clinical trials. And what I mean by that is doing research to evaluate a treatment by comparing it to an untreated group. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call an experiment! And I can say in all sincerity, “Yay, science!” And that’s what I did for my doctoral thesis and during the ten years following my obtaining my Ph.D. in 1997. My career trajectory took a different course, which I have explained in an earlier post. To make a long story short, I didn’t know how to effectively keep chasing grant money while maintaining a healthy family life. But don’t boo hoo for me because going into private practice full time ended up being the perfect job for me.

Back when I was doing science, there was a lot of effort put into designing experiments that were as highly controlled as possible. We picked measures that actually had statistical properties that demonstrated that they actually measured what they were designed to measure. And since we were trying to show that our treatments produced desired change, we had to choose measures that were sensitive enough to detect change. And if there was a variable we wanted to measure for which there were no suitable measures already available, we had to develop our own. Measure development is no joke, people. You might think good social scientists just make up a bunch of questionnaire items and then give them out to their research participants and assume all is being measured in a reliable and valid way but it just doesn’t work that way. Well, I guess one could do it this way but it would not be good science.

We also tried to “control” or account for variables  that could explain changes (or lack thereof) between the treatment and control group, other than the nifty treatment program we were testing. These little extra trouble making variables are called “confounds.” Confound it, variable, you have messed up my experiment! Sometimes these variables can be controlled for statistically but other times, they cannot. Inclusion criteria for studies are developed to screen out the latter variables. For example, when I was doing research evaluating a parenting program to support positive behavioral and emotional development in young children with behavior problems, we screened out children with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder because research on AD/HD shows that psychological treatment alone is not usually effective for kids with AD/HD. (I wish it were but it is not.) Young children with AD/HD often show behavioral problems but they would be unlikely to respond to treatment, unlike other youngster who did not have this additional diagnosis. So, those of you who have tried to join breast cancer trials and have been denied based on the inclusion criteria for the study, this is the reason why. The researchers are not trying to be mean. They are trying to get the clearest picture that they can about whether the treatment is helpful for its intended purpose. After a treatment has initial support and the findings are replicated, subsequent studies may shift the criteria to other groups, which may have been screened out of earlier trials. But if a researcher cannot show a positive impact in the early trials, they risk that treatment being seen as a dead end. And if the treatment looks bad, subsequent research on it will not get funded.

Okay, that’s a little about my former life as an investigator on clinical trials. As a clinician, the test tube gets a little dirtier. I am trained in using evidence-based practices and I use them. However, they do not describe every possible scenario. Often, my recommendations are based on my understanding of the principles that underlie the evidence-based treatment models that I use, rather than from a treatment manual. Also, families come in distress and I often recommend that they get a number of interventions going at once, interventions at home, at school, and with a physician. When there is improvement, from a science perspective, I don’t really know what the most critical components of the intervention were for that particular child. This is because I am not doing research on my patients. I am a clinician. I work systematically and my efforts are guided by what research is currently telling me about best practices. My work is also informed by my clinical experience. I can’t exercise the same control as I did as a scientist.

Now I am a cancer patient. My physicians, just like I do with my patients, have hit me with multiple treatments at once. To further muddy things, I have opted for an integrative approach to my treatment. In addition to my onco surgeon and my medical oncologist, I see a naturopathic oncologist and receive acupuncture from a physician trained in Chinese medicine. I also follow a special diet, take nutritional supplements, engage in mindfulness meditation, get a massage every 3 weeks, and walk 3 miles a day. My holistic treatment plan is quite variable in terms of the research evidence available to support it.

Does this mean that I threw my whole education away? I don’t think so. For one, I am mindful of the fact that there are no guarantees that my cancer won’t come back or that I won’t get sick with some other disease or that I won’t get hit by a bus tomorrow. My mindset is one of influencing rather than trying to control my outcomes. Some of my complementary or integrative practices are no-brainers. Maybe my losing nearly 40 pounds, eating healthy food, and walking 3 miles a day won’t keep cancer away. But I know that (1) I feel better now and (2) I am reducing my risk of all kinds of future health problems. Eating lots of chard and broccoli is not the same as buying snake oil. And research is still out on whether there are higher nutritional benefits for organically grown produce. I think there probably are more benefits nutritionally. But even if there is not, there are environmental sustainability benefits. So, this again, is a no brainer to me. I don’t exclusively eat organic, but I mostly eat organic. And my last example is the flaxseed meal I take every day. Maybe it will not really prevent breast cancer recurrence but it’s good fiber and Tamoxifen is a little constipating.

Some of the actions I am taking are for potential long-term benefit. I may never know if they help but they might help. (Obviously, I am omitting interventions that may cause harm unless there is evidence that the potential pros greatly outweigh the cons.) I am also not in favor of doing anything that just seems outright illogical or doesn’t have some kind of track record. I must admit that I don’t get the logic behind acupuncture but I respect that it is based on thousands of years of practice from a an amazing culture. It also has western-research validated applications, especially in pain management. Plus, I get to meditate while the needles are in and there is some research suggesting that mindfulness meditation reduces the risk of breast cancer recurrence. And even if that research doesn’t bear out, there’s ample research of the effectiveness of mindfulness meditation in stress and anxiety management. And in case you haven’t heard, having breast cancer is stressful and often causes anxiety!

But I haven’t thrown away my research training. Enter the single case study design. It’s a very simple design, often called “ABA” or “ABAB” design depending on how it’s set up. For me, the single case is me. “A” refers to baseline. “B” refers to treatment. What? Okay, it’s easier to explain with an example. As I have mentioned in the past, I have a long history of eczema going back to my early 30’s. My naturopathic oncologist suggested that it might be due to a wheat allergy and asked me to consider not eating wheat for a couple of weeks. In this case, “A” is my baseline, otherwise known as the 15 years I spent eating wheat and scratching. “B” is the time I spent off of wheat. I actually refrained from eating wheat for about three months. My skin cleared considerably. But there’s some variability in my eczema. It waxes and wanes. So the clearing could have just been part of that cycle. I decided to go back to “A” by eating a slice of pizza that one of my brother’s brought to me right after my TRAM surgery. Two days later, bam! Huge outbreak of eczema. So I promptly went back to “B”, not eating wheat and my skin improved. Usually, results are not this striking. This was a darned good use of the ABAB single case study design. I am using the AB or possibly ABA design with acupuncture. Although I am noting improvements in hot flashes and my energy level, it is hard to say whether the former is just due to the general pattern I’ve noted of improvements in hot flashes a couple of months after each Lupron shot and the latter might just be due to the natural course of my healing from my surgery. However, I got my new three month Lupron shot yesterday and another session of acupuncture today. All of these variables manipulated at once! We will see what happens.

You can try AB or ABA or ABAB designs for yourself. One trick is that it will only work for interventions for which you expect quick results.  I can’t eat Swiss chard for two weeks, stop eating it for two weeks and expect to detect any changes in my health, for example. But don’t make the same mistake a coworker made years ago. She had chronic neck pain for many years (A) and decided to try acupuncture (B). She decided to stop acupuncture (back to A) to see if it was really a “cure” because unless it was a cure, it was not real in her eyes. Her neck pain came back so she decided that acupuncture didn’t work. This is like deciding to no longer take insulin injections because your Type 1 diabetes is poorly controlled when you don’t take it. Not all effective treatments are cures but that doesn’t mean they are fake or useless. I suspect she would have viewed diabetes treatment differently and her illogical reasoning had more to do with her discomfort with eastern medicine because she was quite an intelligent person.

Finally, I found an excellent article on the Anderson Cancer Center website that describes practice guidelines for integrative care for cancer.  Check it out!

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I am sitting in the waiting room at the Swedish Cancer Institute, waiting for my turn for a blood draw. The waiting room furniture is lovely and only about 20% of it is being used. I REALLY want the couch in the corner. It would solve my office furnishing problems.

I wonder if I can make friends with the facilities manager? The security guard on the first floor is always friendly to me. Maybe he can get me connections.

Yes, this is what my life has come to. I am fantasizing about obtaining office furniture. And I’m such a stand up citizen that my fantasy doesn’t even involve stealing. The sketchiest thing about my plan is that it involves schmoozing.

On the bright side, after I get done here I’m going for a walk in the glorious sun shine. All of the mountains are visible and the flowers are blooming.

I share an office with two other psychologists. There are two therapy rooms. For 8 years, my friend Jennie and I have shared one of the two rooms and our friend, Steve, who sees more patients, has used the other office. Steve has been planning to move to Hawaii for over two years now. He kept telling us that it was happening. Moving a business to another state is no small feat. There are the logistics of moving that everyone deals with plus there’s the drop in income that starts one stops taking new patients in the months leading up to the move, not to mention that a private practice doesn’t instantly fill the day you hang your shingle out.

Jennie and I had made plans awhile back to use both offices instead of continuing to share and finding someone to lease Steve’s office. We decided that I would move to Steve’s office after he left. He told me he was planning to move in May awhile ago, but I’d heard other move dates and with my surgery coming up, I just focused on other things because it was too stressful to think about painting and furnishing an office.

Steve’s leaving this time. I mean he’s really leaving. He’s got his plane ticket. He took out most of his furniture last weekend. And since he was in the office before us, it also means that he took most of the waiting room furniture, too.

So now that my energy is coming back and I am not yet back in the office, I have been doing a frenzy of furniture shopping! Yesterday, I let the day get away from me and didn’t do my morning walk. It was raining and the weather was supposed to improve. Not to worry, though, I managed to put in 2 1/2 miles shopping in IKEA followed by Costco. 1 1/2 miles was done just in IKEA due to my indecision (I kept walking back to the showroom to look at things), poor sense of direction (I got lost at one point between the Swedish meatballs and the kitchen accessories section), and the long walk from the parking lot!

I guess this gives me a little distraction from my stress about starting work next Monday not to mention the fact that I’m sad that Steve is moving. He’s a wonderful person and excellent psychologist. I am so happy for him, though. Steve and his wife, Shirley have been living apart for nearly two years. Shirley is Hawaiian and after she was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer two years ago, she moved there to find a job and be with their daughter and grandchildren, while Steve got things squared away here. Although I envy his frequent trips to Hawaii I don’t envy their long distance marriage and I know they are so looking forward to their lives together in the tropics!

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versatileblogger111

I was delighted to again be nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award. This nomination introduced me to a new blogger as well and that is Sheila of The Summer Goddess Book of Shadows. Thanks for the lovely nomination, Sheila! Sheila’s blog is devoted to Wicca, which is a religion that dates back to pre-Christian Europe. Wicca emphasizes love of nature. There is also magic but it is benevolent. I have learned a little about Wicca in the past through my psychology practice because it has captured the interest of a few teen girls I have treated. One of the families was rather alarmed as they associated Wicca with Satanism so I needed to provide them with some explanation as reassurance. (“No, no, no, they don’t worship Satan AT ALL.”)

As you may know, I am not someone who follows the blogger award rules closely especially when it comes to nominating others for the award. I hate to leave some of my WordPress people out so I choose to leave everybody out! Today, I’ve chosen to call your attention to a funny blog because I know that I’ve really needed a laugh during the last few days. So I present, Damn you, Autocorrect!

The Empowered Doctor site has written a story about the impact of the budget sequester on cancer patients as well as on the health facilities who treat them. To read the story click here.

For those of you who live outside of the U.S. and may not be familiar with this issue, you can read about it here.

I you don’t like what’s going on, I encourage you to contact your U.S. Senators and Representatives, if you haven’t already done so.

In the mean time, I would like to express appreciation for all of the wonderful bloggers out there who are respectful in expressing their beliefs and engage respectfully is disagreements. We have to be able to work with each other. Call it a grass roots campaign for respectful interaction, flexibility, and reason.

I know, it’s not as catchy as the “Tea Party” but we could use a little less flash and a little more boring substance. Plus, I couldn’t think of a funny name. I will leave that Jon Stewart and his writing team.

 

I am not exactly a shrinking violet. After all, I spent nearly all of my high school years dateless, in part due to my outspoken nature. Then there was my husband, who before we started dating told me that he thought I was smart, nice, and beautiful but “loud and obnoxious” (his diplomatic way of characterizing my outspoken nature), which at the time made me less than desirable romantic relationship material.

I used to love a good, passionate, intellectual debate. And sometimes the debates covered less than meaningful topics. And sometimes when I ran out of logic, I yelled. When I was working toward my Ph.D. in clinical psychology, one of my classmates remarked, “Elizabeth would argue with a fence post.” Now it’s not like I don’t argue any more but let’s just say that over the years, my thinking about complex issues has changed and my style of dealing with disagreement, has gotten calmer and not so loud. The downside of this is that my first response to a question is often “the psychologist answer”, which is, “It depends.” But also remember that the vast majority of psychologists have Ph.D., which are science degrees. So, we also use the scientific method. One of the things I miss most about being an active researcher is that a basic assumption in hypothesis testing is the possibility that the hypothesis is wrong. This is why so much research is done using inferential statistics, which are based on the laws of probability.  Logical reasoning is also strongly emphasized in research training. I might engage in a debate with a peer or in the blogisphere with something like, “I agree that points A and B follow the assumption I think is underlying your argument, but I don’t agree with the assumption.” Okay, I lied. I still very much enjoy an intellectual debate. I am just now less loud and more boring. As a psychologist, I know the importance of connecting on an emotional level with the people I work with. Our relationship is very special and extremely important. In other words, there are times I just need to listen and empathize rather than problem-solve. When I do need to provide education or lay out the logic of my recommendations, I need to do so with compassion as well as clear information. And finally, as a healthcare provider, I must respect that ultimate decisions about treatment are not mine to make.

In a nutshell, life is complicated.

I have been following a debate in the blogisphere about the negative ramifications of medicine’s use of the term “mastectomy” instead of the formerly used term, “breast amputation.” There have been two excellent posts on the Sarcastic Boob and Considering the Lilies. I encourage you to read the perspectives described there. I hesitate to speak for them but I will summarize my understanding of some of their points, as they provide context for this post. A theme in these posts is that the term “mastectomy” sanitizes the procedure that many of us undergo, now termed “mastectomy” and serves to trivialize the potential loss. Consequently, physicians are more likely to recommend the procedure and women are more likely to agree to it because it sounds less dire than “breast amputation.” A significant reason for this shift in language is a result of sexism by which women’s bodies and potential losses are devalued. Both posts also include a black and white video from 1930, “Radical Amputation of the Breast for Duct Carcinoma.”

My view of the “mastectomy” vs. “breast amputation debate”? You guessed it, my answer is, “It depends.” Although I agree with a lot of what has been posted on the subject and believe that the discussion is very important, I have a somewhat different perspective. The question reminded me of a meeting John and I had with Dr. Beatty, my breast surgeon last summer when we learned that my first lumpectomy had been unsuccessful because the margins of the excision were not clear of cancer. My husband asked if a mastectomy would be a good idea to be on the safe side. The question came from a good place (concern for a wife’s life) but it seemed extreme given that Dr. Beatty had already suggested that a second lumpectomy would be a reasonable option. Dr. Beatty’s response was, “It is easy for you or me to say that. But we can’t put a value on Elizabeth’s breast. She is the only one who knows the value of her own breast.” And then John started asking a bunch of questions about the potential psychological impact of a mastectomy, which resulted in the laugh riot I described in yesterday’s re-post.

I think this concept of self-appraisal of value, plays heavily into this debate as well as other factors such as how one deals with stress, including the prospect of one’s own mortality. For some women the experience will resonate with the word “amputation” whereas with others, the connotations of that word will not ring true. As a psychologist, I also wonder how these terms might impact different individuals likelihood of getting regular mammograms or when diagnosed with cancer, proceeding in a timely fashion with medical decisions. I can see either term encouraging or discouraging an individual from actively engaging in prevention and treatment depending on individual differences in factors such as personality and stress management. Finally, since having a serious illness involves a grief process, it is possible that even within the same person, assumptions, feelings, thoughts, and interpretations change over time.

As for myself, both terms seem true to me from an emotional standpoint though, “mastectomy” may be more technically accurate since amputation refers to the removal of an extremity, such as an arm or a leg. I suppose one might argue that a breast is like an extremity. Also, the term for the surgical removal of testes to treat testicular cancer is “inguinal orchietomy” rather than “amputation of the testes.” Obviously, this debate does not really relate to which term is correct from a medical terminology standpoint so much as it relates to connotations of the terms.  I am not purposely trying to miss the point. As a general rule, I tend to support people’s right to self-identify in the way that is true for them.

I also wonder whether posting of a 1930’s style mastectomy might unnecessarily sensationalize the issue since a radical mastectomy is no longer the standard procedure, based on my understanding of the history of breast cancer surgery. But it can also be argued that it got a lot of people thinking about and discussing the issue so maybe it was effective. I do think inclusion of a video of a contemporary procedure would have made a valuable addition to these posts.

I believe that sexism exists and further, that there is still a dominance hierarchy that exists in healthcare on which patients are too often on the bottom. I also believe that the loss of a breast can be devastating and for some it may mean a loss of femininity or perhaps for men with breast cancer, a loss of masculinity, since breast cancer is considered a “women’s disease.”

Finally, although there are parts of our experiences with breast cancer that are shared there are others that are not. But we can still be in this together.

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My April posts have been loosely inspired by the WEGO Health Writers’ Monthly Challenge. I have yet to use any of their daily writing prompts until now. Today is the Haiku challenge! I have written a few haiku just for you! I have categorized them, because unlike good poetry, my haiku do not stand well on their own.

About acupuncture:

Freezing my butt off
Instead of constant hot flash
Needles are good, yay!

About TRAM surgery recovery:

Righty’s still swollen
Cleavage moved left of center
Tee hee hee, cancer.

On having 2012 annual taxes and 2013 estimated first quarter taxes due within two days of one another:

Taxes are due twice
In the mid-month of April
Self-employment, boo!

About these haiku:

Writing breast-themed poems
After years of instruction
Makes teachers cry hard.

There you have it, I have actually followed the challenge today!

My activist sign today reads: Follow directions when it suits you.

These tulips are a little frilly for early spring. The fancy tulips usually don't start blooming until it gets warmer. Maybe these are having hot flashes.

These tulips are a little frilly for early spring. The fancy tulips usually don’t start blooming until it gets warmer. Maybe these are having hot flashes.

P.S. One of my favorite children’s books is an illustrated compilation of haiku by Issa called, Cool Melons-Turn to Frogs. Here’s an example from the book:

Cool melons-
Turn to frogs!
If people should come near.
-Issa, translated by Mathew Gollub

Issa, you felt sorry for the melons at the market because they got eaten after they were purchased. Would you be interested in sampling some Soylent Green?

Lindbergh High School Reunion '82, '83, '84, '85

Join us this summer for our reunion in Renton, WA!

George Lakoff

George Lakoff has retired as Distinguished Professor of Cognitive Science and Linguistics at the University of California at Berkeley. His newest book "The Neural Mind" is now available.

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