Something has changed. I’ve started needing less sleep for the past couple of weeks. Now I am sleeping 8-10 hours a night instead of 10-12. This is freeing up time in my waking hours to get things done. And another change is that I am far more productive with the time I have. And when I work a productive day, I don’t wake up the next day exhausted.

Maybe it’s the fact that our days are getting really long. I live pretty far north and we are nearing the summer solstice. It is still light out at 9:00 pm.

Maybe it’s a fluke.

Maybe I’m actually recovering and healing. I’m afraid to even write this in fear of tempting fate or that I will start relying on myself to function at a higher level than is possible for me to sustain.

Whatever it is and however it happened, I am happy about it for as long as it lasts. I have started to be able to work in my garden again. I am thinking about projects. Actually, I am thinking about one project in particular and I’ve already started it. I am working on reclaiming my house. By that, I mean organizing it and rescuing it from the cluttered mess it has become in the last two years. It wasn’t pristine before, mind you. Cleaning and organizing has long been a struggle. I can be very organized but my house can be like working against entropy. I am the neatest in the family, which makes me the neatnick. For the past 3 years, I’ve hired a house cleaner to come in two hours every two weeks to clean our kitchen, living room, and upstairs bathroom. This helps me from going totally insane. But truthfully, it stays clean for about 10 minutes. I make sure the kitchen is clean and organized because that is my creative space. I am the one who uses it the most.

The reclamation project, now that I think about it, actually started last January. My husband had to remove some kitchen cabinets in order to make room for a new stove. I got rid of a lot of kitchen stuff that we didn’t need and reorganized some of the cabinets. There’s still work to be done in there but I am now able to do a little at a time. It’s so much easier for me to do things once I get started.
For Mothers’ Day, I asked for the play area of our living room be turned back into living room. Our daughter is 15 and doesn’t need this space, any more. But a lot of her stuff was on the shelves and some of it hadn’t been sorted through in many years. And there’s no room for it in her room. Now it is cleaned up. I moved the art table out of there, moved John’s grandmother’s platform rocking chair there from my office and voila, we now have a reading nook. There’s a china cabinet we don’t like and I am going to go through that, move the contents to other locations and get rid of it. This will open up some space in our dining area.

Last Sunday, I started taking on the bathroom cabinets. We have a medium sized vanity with one sink, two small drawers, and two cabinets. People, there were still baby toys in there! And a ton of empty boxes and bags. I found three pouches of instant coffee. Why was that in the bathroom? (I have also found an open box of powdered sugar in there, in the past. I’m just trying to give you a glimpse of the scope of this project.) I sorted through everything and got rid of a tall kitchen bag worth of stuff.

If you haven’t noticed, the theme of my reclamation project is getting rid of stuff. We have waaaay too much stuff and some of it is ridiculous like empty boxes in case we have to return something. Or bags full of things cleaned out of our car that are placed in the garage and not sorted through for years. I found a bag full of unopened boxes of crackers in there once! Why were we storing five year old boxes of crackers in the garage?

I have asked John to help me take on the basement after school is out. (He is currently spending lots of time helping our daughter with her homework.) There’s a rec room, John’s office, a laundry room, and a bathroom down there. The rec room used to double as a guest room. We haven’t been able to have guests stay there for the past two years because it is too awful down there! I avoid our basement as much as I can because the level of mess down there made by other people, who shall remain nameless, overwhelms and angers me. But I have a plan.

Watch out world, I’m getting my mind back and I’m going to use it for as long as I can.

A common interview question for a young child is “If you had three wishes what would you wish for?”

I recently interviewed a quite delightful 5 year-old and this is what she told me.

Me: What’s your first wish?

Child: A jewelry box and I already got one.

Me: What’s the next one?

Child: A ballerina and I already got one.

Me: Okay, what’s the third wish?

Child: A doll and I already got one.

Me: Your wishes have all come true. Lucky you!

I have so much to share when I return from my trip to New Orleans including connections with friends old and new, as well as lots of video of my daughter singing!

Stay tuned!

I my job as a child/adolescent psychologist, I work with a lot of distressed parents. Parents who do not think they can possibly take on more. And I often ask them to take on more, for the health of their children.

I see families in times of great stress, divorce, illness, etc. Sometimes, a major barrier to making necessary life changes is anxiety. The anxiety that comes with running on the treadmill and losing sight of the fact that if your child if suffering, you need to find a way to exit the treadmill in order to meet their needs.

The children with whom I work, by and large, require much more time and energy than most children. I can empathize since I am in a similar situation as a parent. These children, even when given extra time and treated with appropriate love and parenting skill, can be rather unpredictable. Parenting can often be unrewarding. And the treatment plan can be daunting.

Yesterday, I found myself in the position of spelling things out for parents who had lifestyles that didn’t meet the needs of their children. And I’m talking about lifestyles that might change, not families in desperate financial circumstances. I found myself saying, “You need to work less hours so that you can spend more time with your child and be more involved in treatment. If you need to move mountains, move mountains. We are called to be our best as parents, when we feel at our worst.”

Interestingly, I felt more comfortable being forceful like this when I thought it was merited, before I became a parent. Then I became a mom and it became a bit more difficult to ask a lot of parents because I understood how hard it could be from first hand experience. It wasn’t like I was totally different as a therapist, but there was a perceptible shift, which I noticed.

But over the past few years, my husband and I have moved mountains, we have done our best as parents when we felt at our lowest. So now it all feels more possible. Tuesday, I told a mom, ‘Look, I understand that you might think, “Easy for you to say, Elizabeth.” Up until two years ago that would have been true. I am a parent just like any other and two years ago, I had to make major changes in my life because I was diagnosed with  breast cancer. And all of those changes were possible and had an incredibly positive impact on my family life.”

Some people may question my use of this kind of personal disclosure. I do so sparingly but with great sincerity and when I believe it will help parents gather the inner strength necessary to get off the treadmill that they don’t even want to be on.

When we feel at our very worst, it is often when we are called to be our very best. It’s not fair but it is real.

As I continue to heal from the stress, the meds, the surgeries, and all the rest, I am taking on more and more of my responsibilities. My life is getting to be less about me and more about work, marriage, and parenting. Not to worry, friends I am still working hard to take care of myself because I know that moms in particular can be kind of bad at that.

The public part of my blog, however, is going to be more about me. Last weekend, a member of my family was verbally attacked in the comments section of an old post, a post that I HAD WRITTEN. My writing has never been about hurting anybody, least of which about exposing my family to abuse.

Consequently, some of my posts will be password protected. I have contacted a number of you privately, through other social media or email with password information. But I don’t know how to contact all of you who have been regular and respectful readers, leaving thoughtful comments over the years. I hope you will understand.

I am home resting. Still high and a bit sore. Thanks for the prayers and well wishes. 

Here is my pre-surgery shot.

Going to sleep now.