Trying to get myself to finish this psych report is like pulling teeth. I did all of the easy, mindless parts. Now it time for complex thought. Aaargh!
I’m going to need a bigger pair of pliers.
I had back to back appointments with both of my surgeons today. My skin has continued to heal and the fluid build up problem appears to be subsiding. So using “The Little Engine That Could” alarm scale, my skin healing situation has gone from “I think I can” to “I know I can.”
There is a chance that Dr. Welk will recommend a minor surgical procedure to graft a small piece of skin from my abdomen to the troublesome skin (about 1 inch wide by 2 inches long) but we seemed to have avoided any need for radical measures.
Fingers crossed.
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I am having technical difficulties with Word Press. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes my writing suddenly disappears and is lost forever. So no long blog posts until this is resolved.
Yeah, I’m really tired. Several days of little sleep and too much to do. Think sleepy thoughts!
This morning, I was greeted by six very overripe bananas in my fruit bowl. You all know what that means. Another opportunity to stuff a baked good with ground flax! These are pretty good. The quantities were thrown off by my attempt to get 2 tablespoons of ground flax into every muffin without eliminating all of the flour. It ended up making 15 very large muffins instead of 12. (I used extra large muffin tin liners, so if you just bake them right in the pan or use smaller liners, you will get a larger quantity of smaller sized muffins.)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Ingredients:
6 overripe bananas, mashed
2 cups ground flax seed
1 1/4 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup oil
1/2 cup skim milk
2/3 cup brown sugar
2 eggs, beaten
1/4 teaspoon salt
1. Mash the bananas and combine with oil, skim, milk, beaten eggs, and sugar.
2. Combine dry ingredients.
3. Mix wet and dry ingredients together.
4. Fill greased muffin pans (you can use liners or not) and fill each 2/3 full. (As noted previously, if unlike me, you do not use extra large muffin liners, you will make a larger quantity of smaller muffins.)
5. Bake 15-25 minutes at 350 degrees.
Yesterday I woke up with some energy, went for my walk, came home, and then got dead tired really fast. Last week was really hard. I messed up my scheduling by agreeing to see too many people, John was gone, and then there’s the “breast watch” situation. Things are definitely looking better but I still don’t have a surgery scheduled. I am also concerned that given that I had blood flow problems in my tissue after the last two breast surgeries that it will happen again for the next surgery, which is a major surgery and involves tissue transplantation. Although complications from the TRAM surgery are rare, one possible complication is that the transplanted tissue dies. In that case, it’s all over for that tissue as well as for any subsequent TRAM surgeries. You can only have one TRAM surgery in your life. If that happens, I could still have an implant but it would mean healing, getting another expander surgery, getting the expander gradually filled for a few months, and then having an implant put in. It may also mean having to get fat injections, etc to fill in parts that an implant can’t address. In other words, the tissue that was removed during the mastectomy was not in the shape of an implant. What was removed covers a much larger area than you might imagine. Plus, there’s a chance of complications from implant surgery and they have to be replaced every 10 years or so. Honestly, if I had a failed TRAM surgery, I would probably just call it a day and wear a prosthetic.
With my cancer surgeries, even though I had more than anyone wanted me to have to have, at least I felt more solidly like I was making progress. With each surgery, more cancer was removed. So I ended up being healthier after each one than I was before surgery. With the reconstructive surgeries, the goal is to gain rather than lose parts so the fact that I had this complication with the most minor of any of my previous surgeries and have the biggest surgery I will ever have coming up, gives me pause.
All I can do is ask questions, do research, and make the best decisions I can based on the information I have at the time. Although having total control of the universe is not in my reach, I do have a lot of resources and know that I will continue to do what is best for me at each step of the way. And right now the best decision I can make is to rest and take advantage of the fact that I am at the start of what’s likely to be a much easier week.
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Am I referring to the simple yet entertaining family object location game? No I am not. I am referring to the impact of my syringe-induced menopause on my ability to regulate my body temperature. I go to bed comfy and cozy under my covers only to wake up at night overheated. So I throw off the covers but quickly get too cold. Then I wake up again too hot. It’s like the Goldie Locks regulation system with only Papa and Mama Bear settings.
The good news is that so far I have been spared from hot flashes. Dr. Rinn told me that after 6 weeks on Lupron, I’d probably have enough experience to know what side effects I would experience. Yesterday was the 6 week mark. But as you know, these are only estimates so keep your fingers crossed.
If I end up going through menopause again after I am done with the two years of Lupron shots, I wonder if it will be the same? My undereducated guess would be that it would not necessarily the same. The shots work a lot faster than the body does on its own. I had already experienced a couple of years of peri-menopause and it can go on and on and on. I’ll just have to see how it goes. Hurray!
In the meantime, I am enjoying a lap blanket right now and feeling “just right.” Maybe there is a Baby Bear setting that stays on for brief stretches of time.
Yes, I know that’s it’s raining but I had a lovely walk, nonetheless. First, I am loving my new rain pants! I bought them a couple of weeks before the weather changed so that I could keep up my daily walk habit. So far, so good. I was warm and dry under my rain gear and after I’d walked for awhile, it was even nice to get some light drizzle on my face. It wasn’t that cold out and there was only a little wind. The flowers are starting to look a little bit happier after going with out water for so many weeks. The leaves are starting to get really pretty. As I was walking along, I remembered that I used to like to walk in light rain. I remember that an old college boyfriend once remarked that I stood up straight instead of hunching over when I walked in the rain. He liked that. (It was about the only thing, though. We were not very compatible. He criticized me for “not arguing enough.” Here, I’ll pause for a bit while you all laugh your asses off about that one…. In grad school, a class mate, Penny who was from Appalachian West Virginia and a real coal miner’s daughter awesomely twanged, “Elizabeth would argue with a post.” Fortunately, I have mellowed with age. Oh wait, now my husband is laughing his ass off.)
Back to my lovely morning. As I was walking, I noticed that for the last couple of weeks, I have had a much welcome decrease in mind chatter. I have had a near constant hyperactive chatter going on in my head since my cancer diagnosis unless I am absorbed in some other activity. Although I’ve had my times of churning anxiety, it is mostly just a busy mind chatter, just thinking about how I am doing, what needs to be done, etc. Sometimes the chatter is helpful because it helps me process and plan but at other times, it is like listening to a kid who is really into some movie that I’ve never seen describe the entire thing, scene by scene. In other words, relentless and exhausting.
I notice that this internal chatter has gotten slower, less frequent, are more contemplative. I think my daily walks and meditation are helping quite a bit. And perhaps it will help me stop arguing with posts. They are very frustrating. Posts can stonewall like no one’s business.
My Eyes Are Up Here 