coping with illness | My Eyes Are Up Here

“Hmm. I want to do something relaxing. Hey, I have a gift certificate to the spa!”

Those were my thoughts a couple of weeks ago. I called the spa and asked if they had any openings for a massage the next day. They did, I made the appointment, and the massage was wonderful and almost completely covered by the gift certificate.

This anecdote would mildly pleasant though not very interesting if it weren’t for one thing. I’d been carrying that gift certificate in my purse for about ten years. According to Washington State law, gift certificates never expire. As long as they don’t get destroyed and the business is still operating, one can use a gift certificate at any time.

In many ways, this is a wonderful thing. Human beings, however, have a funny habit. We tend not to do something that is not part of our daily routine if there’s no built in time frame. Even stuff we want to do.

So what made me use that gift certificate?

If I had to guess it is because current stressful events in my life have upped my motivation to take care of myself. I’ve been providing more support to my parents, which takes time and energy.

My mom recently worried aloud that the support that I am giving them is “too much” for me given my work responsibilities and the time I devote to staying healthy. I told her, “Mom, I want to help you and Dad. It is a priority.”

My dad said something similar. I related to him how frustrating and powerless friends of mine feel because they would like to help their ill parents but live too far away to help as much as they like to. I feel lucky to live nearby. I am also lucky that their other five children, my brothers, live relatively near by and help, too.

Every living thing expires, eventually, and time ever moves forward. Nonetheless, each day contains almost countless opportunities. I am working to be mindful of these opportunities, opportunities for exercise and meditation, spending time with my family, and making art. Despite the pain and sorrow of this time, there is also balance and most of all, there is love.

I know that a lot of you have experienced great hardship this winter. Some of you have lost loved ones, some of you are sick or have been sick. And then there are the terrifying weather events that are getting increasingly common, most recently the impact of the polar vortex on a substantial portion of North America.

I made all of you a little film of a portion of my walk today along with some of the thoughts I have when I am in the woods. I am hoping this is an encouraging experience and if not, you get to see some very pretty trees and hear some crows having quite a conversation in the woods.

It’s funny to me because although I am surrounded by earth forms and plants so much larger than me when I am in the woods, It’s okay to be small. We don’t need to be big. We can just be.