So I felt much better this morning. That’s the good news. The bad news? The nagging thoughts that I should be doing something more productive with my time, like my business taxes! Oh wait, did I write, “nagging thoughts”? I meant to write “the nagging thoughts inspired by my nagging husband.”
John asked me two days ago when I was planning to do my part of our tax return, basically the part that covers my psychology practice. He was asking me before the surgery and I told him that it was a project that I would do during my medical leave. It takes about 2 days when I have a full tank of brain. I told John that I’d been out of the hospital less than a week and he needed to not ask me about it. He asked when he could nag remind me about it again and I told him he could ask again in a week.
Okay, so this is the same man who after I requested that we stop at my office to pick up my mail on the way home from my doctor’s appointment, asked, “You’re not thinking of WORKING are you?” He settled down when he realized that I was just planning to pick up the checks from insurance companies and patients that have accumulated in over a week since I’d been in. I am paid from many sources. There’s no auto-deposit option.
So, if you haven’t caught on by now, although I harbored those ever present feelings of love for my wonderful husband, I was also experiencing a wave of irritation. When I woke up this morning, I had a lot more energy than yesterday. I was happy and then I started feeling guilty. “Oh man, maybe I should stop putting off doing the taxes.” Then I talked myself out of it for a few minutes. Then I realized that I was really bored.
The days have been going by pretty slowly, after all, even on the ones when I nap a lot. So I started my taxes. And you know what? The time passed a lot more quickly and I have a feeling of accomplishment.
Does this mean I’m going to just push through this every day until it’s done? Probably not. In the spirit of mindfulness, I’m just going to take things as they come and make the plans that make the most sense each day.
And to cap it all off, I was able to walk a mile today and I felt good the whole time! I have now walked over 300 miles since I started tracking my walks at the beginning of December! Yay!
I find that the worst part of some those tasks is just motivating one’s self to get started. The task itself is usually a lot less awful than all the procrastination leading up to it. That’s where the stress is for me. I fret about not doing it, and berate myself for my awful habits, etc.. I’m finally doing one of them today, and enjoying it. (Finishing a sewing project that should have taken one day and has taken three weeks at least.) I suffered quite a bit getting myself going though.
It’s a mental dance, isn’t it?
Gosh the old mind can give you grief sometimes but as you say I am sure you feel much better now doing your tax!! Maybe you should alternate days one for you and one for tax!!!
That’s a very good idea!
I love it that you are able to write about your relationship dance in this blog! Kudos to a strong marriage!
Thanks, Karen. I am very lucky to have a husband who supports my writing about the bumps as well as the smooth sailing in our relationship.
Walking rocks!
Awesome job on your walks, Girl!!!! BUT……..hey JOHN…….let her slough some mo’!!!! Please take it easy, E, and that means socio-emotionally, too, in addition to “intellectually”. Remember that it is gonna take time to heal mind/soul, body and heart. You have to take care of EACH in its time, respectively. Not all at once! Meditate, listen to music, write your Blog, read…..pedi/mani…….:) As you are doing the “nothing” – you will be amazed how this very process is needed to just reflect and appreciate how far you’ve come from the fear and pain. You have to spend time SEEING and FEELING and OWNING this new strength! Okay? I am done with my sermon now and probably should go to work!!!
Thanks, Marla! This morning, I slept until 11 am. See, I know how to partay.
Well I guess I finish our taxes and get the return mailed. You have inspired me!