Protected: Lucky Break! Lucky Break! Lucky Break!
Another report, that is! As many of you know, I have a number of psychological assessments that need to be finished before my surgery on March 11th. The report writing is the most time consuming part. I finished another one today. Six to go before the week of March 4th to allow time to meet with parents and explain the results to them.
This is grueling but I am getting there.
I started walking daily last fall. I started tracking my walks on a phone application on December 2nd.
Since that time, I’ve walked over 200 miles and during the coldest and rainiest time of the year.
So that’s over 200 miles on my journey of health. Hooray!
In case you missed this picture of my glamorous walking outfit from an earlier post. Today I am wearing a light weight teal rain coat and striped socks!
Not surprisingly, breast cancer is not big sexy time.
When I learned that I had breast cancer and needed surgery, I expected the anti-sexy impact of stress and surgery. I did not, however, expect to have six surgeries and counting.
When I started taking hormone blocking medications, I expected to go into early menopause and to perhaps have hot flashes, not to mention the impact of having almost no female hormones on a woman’s sex drive. I didn’t expect that for a few months, every time my husband did as much as put his hand on my shoulder that I would immediately have a hot flash.
Last October, my medical oncologist asked me what I using for birth control in the couple of months before the Lupron injections had done their work in rendering me infertile.
I told her. Her response? “Wow, most women laugh in my face when I ask them about birth control use during breast cancer treatment.”
So maybe I’m “big sexy time” for a breast cancer patient.
Okay, people think about cancer and an immediate thought is often hair loss. Fortunately, I did not have to endure chemo and all of its yucky side effects.
This does not, however, mean that I was spared from my cancer treatment having any impact on my hair. As I have over-shared so frequently in the past, I take hormone blocking medication because my breast cancer grew in response to lady chemicals, estrogen and progesterone.
I take Lupron, which “shut down my ovaries” by disrupting the signal between my pituitary gland and my ovaries. So my ovaries do not make progesterone and estrogen.
Other parts of the body make estrogen, though, for example, adipose tissue (fat and other stuff). This is one of the reasons that being overweight is a risk factor for breast cancer. This is why I walk three miles a day and eat the way I do. I was overweight and want to stay a healthy weight. I take another medication, Tamoxifen, that works by preventing estrogen from binding to cells in the body.
I have surmised that I have less estrogen in my body than a menopausal woman because my estrogen is getting knocked out two ways. I may be wrong about that but lets just say that my level of female hormones is well below average for a woman, even a woman of my age.
The first change I noticed was the introduction of hot flashes. Another change was that I’ve been getting hairier. At first I noticed more hair above my lip. Last week, I noticed a downy fuzz of barely visible hair on my cheeks and jaw. The last time I checked, I was not a 13 year-old boy.
Aaaaaaaaah! I’m the bearded lady!
But the silver lining is that just as I am a good looking breast cancer patient (with so many of us ladies having to get chemo, it’s an easy bar to clear), I’m pretty good-looking for a bearded lady.
And maybe I can make a little extra circus moolah on the side to help pay the medical bills.
Another, good-looking bearded lady, Annie Jones toured with Barnum and Baily Circus. From Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bearded_lady
This post is from 6/28/12, one day after my first surgery, which was a lumpectomy. I’ve had five additional surgeries since this time and John and I are still trying to work out the rhythm of the caretaker/patient dance. We are getting there and planning for my reconstructive surgery in March.
So, I am doing pretty well today, one day after surgery. My pain rating (on a scale of 0-10) is about about 1-2. John says he is running out of things to do around the house and noted that I don’t seem to need much besides a steady supply of decaf coffee. He asked my plans for the day. Plans? Sitting on my butt is my plan. Perhaps I confused him when I unloaded the dishwasher this morning with my left hand. (The surgery was on the right side.) Yes, I know you are all yelling at me in your heads as you read this. I am following the directions given to me by my nurse! I am taking it easy.
Anyway, John asked me “Do you want to go to a movie today. If not, I can go without you.”
“And leave me home alone?”
“Well, you haven’t really needed me much.”
“What if I get an infection? I’m not cool with you leaving today and I don’t want to go to a movie. I think it would be uncomfortable to sit in a theater.”
John did not need much convincing to stay home. I just think he needs to be needed. People just being around is a lot of help. A hard part of this process is that I don’t know how much help I will need and what kind I will need. I know that’s hard for John, too.
I promise to stay away from the dishwasher for the rest of the day.
I had my first follow-up mammogram this morning. Lefty looked good. Righty got to opt out because it is no longer filled with breast tissue.
I wasn’t sure how much this visit would stress me out but it was fine. And I’m not sure if I was imagining it but the compression on lefty seemed awfully tight. Maybe once you’ve had breast cancer, they turn the screws extra tight. But it was still tolerable and obviously, they were squeezes for a good cause!
Yes, I was looking at swimsuits on the Land’s End website today. I have a complicated history with swimsuits. I have avoided wearing them for the most part. Additionally, swimming bothers my eczema. But my skin is doing much better on this wheat free diet and I have dreams of getting a hot tub in the back yard. By summer, I will have a permanent right breast, too, instead of my empanada-shaped temporary one. Woo hoo!
I know that breast cancer changes a lot of women’s view of their own body. We tend to dwell on the negative aspects of loss. They are real, don’t get me wrong. I have to say, though that I like my new outlook on my belly fat (hey, you are going to be transplanted north in 6 weeks) and the fact that I am kind of looking forward to swim suit season, even though I am unlikely to have a backyard hot tub or go to the tropics any time soon.
It’s just good to be looking forward to another season with all of my surgeries behind me. And I do feel better in my body. I eat well, I exercise, I meditate, and I see all of my wonderful care providers. The fact that I have not been reduced to a pile of tear-soaked rubble makes me feel powerful and strong from the inside out.
Protected: Chaos
Every other Thursday, I have a new little routine of doing a couple of hours of my business paperwork at the local coffee shop, Bird on a Wire. I was there two days ago. The baristas were both sick though not coughing on things. They were just congested. However, this should have been enough of a hint for me to high tail it out of there. (I am usually the Howard Hughes of avoiding illnesses. As a child psychologist with a private business, if I can’t work, no one can cover for me and plus, I don’t get paid.)
To the left of me, seated about 7 feet away was a regular customer. She is there every time I go to the coffee shop in the morning. I can tell the community at the coffee shop means a lot to her. Now she was coughing up a storm and exclaiming, “I just got this cough yesterday. I think I have a cold.”
This is when I was hijacked by hubris. I thought something along the lines of “I am pumped full of vitamins and good food. I walk three miles a day. I am strong. I a wonder Wonder Woman!”
So I stayed in the coffee shop.
This morning I woke up with a headache and a cough.
Fortunately, my hubris was not as Icaris proportions and I’ll live to learn from this experience, congestion and all.
My Eyes Are Up Here 