Okay, I was expecting to title this entry, “Don’t try this at home.” I returned from my fitness walk and brewed some green tea. It was pretty hot so I thought I’d try putting in some soy milk to cool it off. I was sure that it would taste terrible and clash with the ginger in the green tea. I was pleasantly surprised. It was inoffensive. Not exactly a ringing culinary endorsement but there you go. Green tea + plain soy milk = OKAY.
I have been successful in my search for flax seed recipes, in part, due to my discovery of the Yummly website. It searches a bunch of online recipe databases and allows one to narrow results by all kinds of nutritional variables as well as by price. It is so handy! I still find that I need to substitute additional flax seed for some of the ingredients but it is working out just fine. Check it out at this website.You can thank me in the comments section. Alternatively, you can smugly inform me that you discovered this website years ago and had assumed that everyone already knew about it.
I’ve got a busy day today. It’s actually what used to be a normally scheduled day but I will bill more hours today than I did for either of the two weeks since I returned to work. This was not the plan but as you may recall, I had major cancellations during those weeks.
I am happy to report that despite my busy day, I started it off with 20 minutes of meditation, a glass of green tea, a 30 minute long walk around the neighborhood, and a fruit/nut bar that I made that contains 2 tablespoons of flax seed meal. I realized that just by scheduling myself so that my first patient is not until 9:30, allows me a lot of time to get self care stuff done without having to get up at the crack of dawn. I am much more of a morning person, too so this plan works better for me than waiting until after dinner time. By then, my natural inclination is to sit on my butt.
I did some testing this morning with a cutie pie of a 6 year-old. I haven’t done any testing for about 7 weeks and it was fun. I’m home now for lunch and perhaps a short nap before heading back to the office at 3pm to see a couple of kids for therapy. Tomorrow I have a lighter day and then I’m off for the rest of the week.
Not really, but working all of this flax seed into my diet reminds me of the kids’ book, “How to Eat Fried Worms” As I recall from having last read this book in the ’70’s, a boy has to eat a worm a day for a month in order to win a bet. He uses lots of culinary creativity in his preparation each day but I think he has to eat the last worm raw.
Well flax seeds are much tastier than worms but as my cousin, Beth pointed out in the comments yesterday, 2 tablespoons is a lot. Yesterday I made a batch of flax-heavy carrot, apple, pistachio, and raisin muffins. They are pretty good. Today, I modified added the flax seed to a yogurt parfait I made:
Layer 1: 3/4 cup of Greek yogurt (used plain, non fat and added a drizzle of maple syrup)
Layer 2: 1 Tbs of flax see
Layer 3: Chopped peach
Layer 4: 1-2 Tbs granola combined with 1 Tbs. flax seed.
This time the yogurt/flax combo was delicious.
Bon Appetit!
Yesterday, I had an initial consultation with Heidi Lucas, ND of Integrated Naturopathic Oncology. My friend, Nancy recommended her highly and Dr. Lucas is one of a very few naturopaths in the area who has additional certification in cancer treatment. I wanted to find someone who could help me support my health from a nutritional standpoint as well as with supplements and lifestyle changes. I thought she was very good, well versed in research, and very experienced working with women with breast cancer. My hubby had challenged me about not taking others’ advice about nutrition and supplements. For example, a co-worker of his, upon learning of my cancer, gave him a bag of sour sop leaves from which I was to make tea. I looked up research on this approach and decided not to do it because I couldn’t find any. I believe that the “non drugs” that we take into our body are as potentially powerful (for good and ill) as the drugs made in laboratories. The difference is that we know less about “non drugs” from a research perspective, though this is fortunately changing for the better. Consequently, I believe it is incredibly important to see someone with specialty training in this area who knows the existing research and has a lot of clinical experience to guide them. And really, I don’t tend to take medical advice from John’s co-workers, either.
The lifestyle changes are ones that I am doing all ready, deep breathing, exercise, having a good social support network, making time to relax, etc. Dr. Lucas recommended a number of supplements and dietary changes for me to do long term, as well as some recommendations for supplements to take before surgery (ex. extra vitamin A, vitamin C, and zinc) and a regimen to take after surgery to help with healing. One of the long-term changes is to eat 2 tablespoons of flax seed meal each day. I mixed it with some plain Greek yogurt, a little maple syrup, and frozen berries this morning. It was a tolerable gruel. I see smoothies in my future. I’m going to Google some recipes. She didn’t suggest many changes to my diet except to reduce my intake of milk (about a cup a day; fermented milk products like yoghurt and cheese are okay) and coffee. Coffee? Whaaa! She suggested that I try limiting coffee intake to every other day and drink green tea several times a day. Today I tried a latte with soy milk. At first it tasted yucky and by the end it was starting to grow on me. The green tea is fine. My friends at Red Cup Espresso (thanks for the gift card, Beth!) also have hemp milk. Samir has extolled it nutritional properties. Perhaps I will give it a try. I hope it doesn’t taste like rope. Finally, she wants me to sprinkle turmeric on my food and then switch to turmeric capsules. I forgot to ask her why she doesn’t want me to take capsules yet. Maybe my body has to get used to it or something. I like Indian food, so I don’t really mind.
So, I got a MUCH BIGGER pill organizer.
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My mom is awesome every day but it is worth special mention today because it is her birthday. She was born on the very same day as another spicy Italian beauty, Sophia Loren. Unlike Sophia Loren, my mom didn’t star in films, some wearing a garter belt and bustier. I do have to say that she absolutely rocked a Puccini-esque print mini skirt and false eyelashes when we were kids. We have a picture of my mom in this outfit (she also wore a fall well before the hair extensions era). In the wrong hands, this ensemble could have been tacky. But she looked downright glamorous all the more impressive since her six children, aged between 3 and 14 years are also in the picture. And we do not look glamorous. We look like we are a lot of work.
My mom has a lot of energy. She often tells me, “I don’t know how you do it” referring to my career and family life. I am convinced that what she did was much more difficult. She went beyond normal mom stuff. My mom sewed some of our clothes, made us stuffed toys and dolls, did crafts with us, kept a huge garden, volunteered at school, sang at church, and much much more. My mom is also so organized! I remember waking up each morning to our lunches and morning vitamins all laid out on the kitchen counter. And she hasn’t stopped organizing. And every time I visit the yard looks fantastic and the house is clean. She’ll say, “Oh, my house is so dirty.” That’s when I feel like I should never have her to my house again. If you think your house is dirty…
But the best things about my mom are that she is loving, fun, generous, and a fabulous grandmother. She keeps track of all of us kids still as well as all of the important event in our life. And she is the only person in my life who thinks I have a beautiful singing voice. (She hears what it could have been like if I’d taken lessons and practiced, which is loads better than it actually sounds.)
Happy Birthday, Mom!
I’ve had an EXTREMELY light schedule since I came back to work. This is in part by design and also due to cancellations for testing. I usually have only about one cancellation a year for my testing services but as fate would have it, I’ve had one per week for the last two weeks, which is extra stinging since I haven’t been making any money due to my medical leave. Nonetheless, I have been trying to treat the extra time as a precious resource rather than a source of disappointment and anxiety. Consequently, I took a walk this morning around the neighborhood.
My walking route was not set but I knew that a visit to the coffee shop, Bird on the Wire would be in the earlier part of the walk. On the way to the coffee shop, I saw two girls, one about 9 and the other about 5, waiting for the school bus. It was busy at Bird so I was there for awhile. When I left, I saw that the girls had walked to the street corner. I said, “Good morning, girls.” The older girl’s face started falling ever so slightly. “Are you okay?” I asked. Then Ashley (not her real name), the older girl crumbled into full on cry face. “We missed the bus. We need to be at school. We’re trying to walk there. We are lost.”
I tried to calm them down and found out that they were sisters and that they were responsible for getting themselves out the door on time in the morning. This morning they decided to watch a movie and they lost track of the time. I asked Ashley if she knew her parents’ phone number. “No and I don’t have my phone. They took it away and I have to pick up dog poop to get it back!” (I sure hope those parents give that girl her cell back if they are going to put her in charge of getting she and her sister to school every day.) I asked if she knew where she lived. Both girls gave me directions but I couldn’t really follow them. Then Ashley said, “We can’t go home. Our parents told us it is our job to get to school on time.” I explained that their parents would want them to be safe and not trying to walk all of the way to their school (this is what they were trying to do and they didn’t know the way). Ashley also asked, “Do you have a car?” I told her that I did but that although I would never hurt them, their parents would not want them to take a ride with a stranger.
Both girls felt terribly that they would be breaking a rule by being late to school. The kindergartener, Kelsey (not her real name), said “I’m going to be on the lowest part of the teacher’s chart!” Her sister, felt more responsible being the older girl. “My teacher is going to be mad at me for being late. I’m in 4th grade!” (Many kids live in fear of 4th grade. There’s a big emphasis on being responsible.) I tried to reassure them that I thought their teachers would be understanding. Their distress was heartbreaking and charmingly earnest and innocent all at once. At one point, the little one started jumping around a little, playing and her sister said, “You’re not supposed to play. We did something wrong!”
This is when I realized that I had encountered myself at ages 5 and 9. About two minutes after asking the questions about where they lived, etc., I said, “I have a better idea. I’ll call your school.” As I dialed, little Kelsey said to herself, “I hope they answer, I hope they answer.” I talked to the receptionist who put me on the phone with the principal, Christy Collins. Christy and I know each other from work I’ve done professionally with some of the students at the school. She is a relatively new principal to that school and she is terrific. We arranged for me to wait with the kids while she drove to pick them up. Even when I told the kids that Ms. Collins was going to pick them up, they were still a bit unsettled. Ashley kept saying, “I feel so lost.” Kelsey said, “I wish I could fly in the sky so I could see where our school is.” The girls looked happier when Christy picked them up. I explained to her that they were very afraid of getting into “big trouble” and that Ashley was taking her responsibility as the older sister very seriously. Christy thanked me and they went on their way to school.
The girls weren’t literally lost. They’d really only walked about 10 yards from the bus stop. There were people around to help. But they felt lost. It turned out they were new to Seattle and had moved from a rural town, which is quite a bit north of here. Kelsey informed me, “We moved here so I could go to kindergarten.” She had also told me that she’d gone to preschool and when I asked where she told me that she was “home schooled” for preschool. I told her that I had also been “home schooled” for preschool. (I didn’t go to preschool.) I’m wondering whether she thought there were no kindergartens in in her town.
There have been times in my life when I felt lost when I really wasn’t. When the cogs in my brain churn away at anxiety so ceaselessly that it is hard not to feel that something is horribly amiss and that I can’t see away to fix it. These can be risky times as well. Like the girls, who were so afraid of getting in trouble for not getting to school, my brain can get so focused on the subject of my anxiety that I can minimize the risks of other decisions. My guess is that Ashley had been told many times not to get a ride with a stranger but she felt so panicked about the situation and not carrying out her “big sister” responsibilities that she lost sight of the bigger picture. I was glad to have been able to help these girls, to help them problem solve, to stay safe, and to remind them not to ride with strangers! I don’t feel lost now but I may feel that way again sometime in the future and I will try to remember these girls, that I can solve many problems and when I can’t, I can ask for help.
I continued to be grateful for all of the wonderful care I have received from others. Cancer is one of those, “it takes a village” kind of conditions and I have greatly benefited from my treatment by so many villagers. My professional specialty, ADHD, is also one of those “it takes a village” kind of conditions. I am gratified in my work for all of the support that the various villagers, teachers, therapists, parents, physicians, occupational therapists, tutors, etc offer to the kids I see. However, it is unusual for all of the villagers, in the case of kids with ADHD, to be on the same page. People with ADHD often have behavior problems that are irritating, challenging, and sometimes unsafe for others. Even without behavior problems, it is hard for others to understand the inconsistency of their performance, why it is so hard for them to develop good organizational habits and such. To add to the confusion, people with ADHD do not have trouble attending to or persisting on tasks that are enjoyable. It looks like they “can do it when they want to” and for boring or frustrating tasks, they just need to gut through them like the rest of us. But “gutting through” the frustrating, the uninteresting, and the mundane is extremely difficult. Since people are individuals with different strengths and weaknesses and ADHD can vary considerably in terms of symptom presentation and severity from person to person, it can look very different from person to person.
Often kids with ADHD get blamed for their problems even though they are primarily due to their very serious and chronic disability. People with say, “He should be able to do x and y. He shouldn’t still be doing z.” All the “should” tells you is that a child hasn’t reached your expectations. It also often tells you that you are frustrated with the child and perhaps not sure how to help. Unfortunately, this state of affairs sometimes leads to giving up and concluding that the kid is just “bad” or “lazy” or some other harmful label.
I have been treated for breast cancer since May 25th. No one has blamed me for my disease. And I don’t blame myself either but I do know that I put myself at higher risk for the disease by being overweight on and off for so many years. Nonetheless, people have been motivated to help me and to treat me with compassion. People don’t give themselves ADHD. It is largely genetic and the non-genetic factors such as poor prenatal care and early malnutrition are not ones over which kids have control. I’ve seen kids as young as 4 being blamed for their disability. I wish these children could more frequent enjoy the same love and compassion as a 46 year-old lady with breast cancer.
As you know, I am trying to establish new exercise and mindfulness habits. Today, I did the daily mindfulness practices for the week, a body scan (basically paying attention to each part of your body while doing relaxation breathing) and a “mindful meal.” During the meal, I tried to experience all of the flavor, texture, smells, etc of the food as I was eating it instead of just gulping everything down while I am fiddling with my smart phone or with my computer. (I don’t do this at family meals, just lunch.)
When my 9:30 testing case cancelled at the last minute, instead of driving straight home, I thought “I was going to take a walk around my office after I was done with this testing. If I go home now (testing takes a couple of hours and I didn’t have anyone scheduled until the afternoon), I know I’m bound to go inside and start working instead of going for a walk. I’m going on the walk now.” So I walked over to Red Cup Espresso. Gina and Samir made me a delicious latte, which I carried with me while I took a walk for an hour and a half. By the time I got back to my office, I felt great.
I drove home and started some cooking. I am also trying to prepare healthy meals ahead for freezing as part of my new eating habits. When it’s John’s turn to cook, he usually gets take-out. I’m trying to avoid that kind of food. It’s either fattening or unsatisfying or both. He has been working at top speed on building a deck so he is not going to be cooking frequently again any time soon. I also wanted to put away some food for my friend, Brian who had major surgery for sarcoma on the 13th. He will be coming home from the hospital soon.
When the mail arrived I noticed that there was an envelope from our insurance. We get a lot of these as you can imagine. I opened up the envelope and it was the Explanation of Benefits for my $28K hospital bill (please save rants about hospitals overcharging people for other venues) for my mastectomy. They said that they were paying $0 because the hospital had not obtained a pre-authorization. Aaaaaah! I took a deep breath and then went through John’s stack of mail because I know I had seen a pre-authorization for the mastectomy. I got the pre-authorization letter, a pen, and the Explanation of Benefits form. I let my fingers do the walking and called my insurance. The customer service representative was quite nice. (I do a lot of talking with insurance companies for my job. This is not always the case.) I asked her why the claims were denied even though I had a pre-authorization letter. As it turns out, insurance had already been in contact with Swedish Hospital about this. Apparently, they had a question about one of the charges and when that happens, it holds up the entire claim! As she noted that this inquiry had been made a couple of weeks ago, it would have been nice had they written something about this in their notes instead of just writing that the whole thing wasn’t covered. Phew!
Good thing I’m good at breathing!
My Eyes Are Up Here 